


No Time

by i_see_your_eyes



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Kylo Ren, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey says yes, Romance, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, a new order to the galaxy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-03-26 12:09:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 35,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13857492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_see_your_eyes/pseuds/i_see_your_eyes
Summary: "Maybe… this decision could lead the rebels down a path of salvation. She could save them, she could save him… Time was of the essence, she knew, even though she felt it standing still. Her sense of urgency peaked as she lifted her hand to make a decision. You’re still holding on, let go, Ben had said. She swallowed and gave into the hope."





	1. Wait

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I decided to post this story on AO3! If you see the same story on Fanfiction under the username i-see-your-eyes, that's me! I hope you all enjoy, I am currently working on future chapters so keep a look out for those!! 
> 
> Thank you for reading my story and leave all your kudos and comments below. 
> 
> I will be updating chapter names, notes (before and after chapters), and most of the story on AO3 now so if you follow me over at Fanfiction, you may want to keep your eyes peeled for the content over here before it comes out on Fanfiction!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's no end, there is no goodbye. Disappear with night."

“Please.” Kylo whispered softly, almost inaudible. His searching, begging eyes bore into Rey’s, willing her to accept his proposal. He felt the Force engulfing the both of them as his resolve fixed on her. She had to have felt the radiant pull that magnetized him to her. Watching Rey fight the Praetorian Guards alongside him, feeling her swift and deft movement through the Force reminded Kylo of the night on Starkiller base. The pure energy surging between them even before the Force bond was formally established, surrounded by snow and shrouded in a blue-red light from clashing sabers. I can show you the ways of the Force. He realized that his offer then was useless; she didn’t need him or anyone. She was fiercely liberated and, even now, as he reached his hand out, offering her everything, his resolve faltered. He steadied himself, preparing for disappointment and the eventual backlash.

Rey, tears streaming down her face, was finding it hard to breathe. Her eye flicked back and forth between Kylo’s anticipatory gaze and his hand, outstretched in a way that did not invite nor demand. There was no way this was happening. She had seen his future. She had seen light, real and tangible light, emitting from him when they had touched hands in the hut. He was supposed to turn… Everything that had happened up to this point was quite literally a blur. The pod onto Snoke’s ship, the unreadable face of the man she had believed to have understood hovering over her, the conversation with him in the elevator, battling the guards. She had just assumed that after murdering Snoke, time would continue to move as planned. This was the plan, right? How foolish, she thought. She cursed to herself for letting herself believe that the Force bond was real, that Kylo could be turned, that he was redeemable. You’ll turn, I’ll help you. Her eyes stung with disillusionment. But, mixed along with the regret, disappointment, and pain… was hope. This moment felt like it was standing still, as if Snoke’s throne room was exempt to the confines of time. 

Rey took a shuddering breath and locked eyes with Kylo. His eyes melted into hers. She felt pulled toward him, like the twinkle in his eyes was the spark of the light that she had seen on Ach-To. The chains around her heart softened. This was Ben Organa Solo, not the murderous beast that Snoke had manipulated and tortured him into. Her mind raced back and forth between his speech and her obligation to the rebels. She ached to have Leia here, Finn even. She wanted to Luke to see the same eyes she was seeing, the eyes of a broken, yet changing, man. Behind her she knew that the rebel fleet was being annihilated, one by one. She was indebted to these people, she believed in them. Maybe… this decision could lead the rebels down a path of salvation. She could save them, she could save him… Time was of the essence, she knew, even though she felt it standing still. Her sense of urgency peaked as she lifted her hand to make a decision. You’re still holding on, let go, Ben had said. She swallowed and gave into the hope.

Rey placed her hand lightly into Ben’s extended hand. Kylo felt the Force surge and pulsate around them, trying to contain the power that emanated from their link. She must feel it too, he decided as he watched goose bumps rise on her pale arms and up to the curve in her neck. Their breath trembled in unison. Kylo’s face remained unchanging as he lowered their connected hands and brought Rey forward to him ever so slightly. 

“It’s time to let old things die.” Rey finally spoke, repeating the words Ben had just recited. A twitch played on the corner of Kylo’s lips and he released a breath he must have been holding.

He opened his mouth to speak when the elevator door slammed open on the opposite side of the throne room. General Hux stumbled forward on the bridge, mouth gaping, not at Kylo and Rey, but at their fallen Supreme Leader. “Ren, I-”, he blubbered. Approaching Snoke’s halved body, Hux’s eyes widened and he grappled for words. Kylo gave Rey an impenetrable gaze and turned around to face Hux, disconnecting their hands. The Force pull wavered and fell, leaving Rey to twist and wring her hands for a distraction.

“What. Happened.” Hux stammered out pointedly to Kylo, eyes wild.

“Supreme Leader Snoke is dead.” Kylo’s former intensity had been restored, all softness freezing over. He held himself tall looking down menacingly on the sniveling General as Hux gave a disgusted grimace toward Rey, who was tucked behind Kylo. “What-what is SHE doing alive, Snoke had plans to-“

“There was a brawl between the guards and the girl. Snoke was collateral damage. I did my best to stop her but…” His voice trailed off as he turned his head to look over his shoulder for a split second. Rey could have sworn he winked. He whipped his head back to Hux and began to march toward him. She must have been imagining things. “She is being taken into my custody. I will deal with her.” Rey felt frozen in place. Deal with her? What had she done? It was all an act. He was going to murder her anyway. After the entire spectacle, it was all for show. He didn’t want her to join her. He wanted her to himself.

“Call off the attack on the rebel carriers. I want to get down to that base now and finish this.” Rey couldn’t believe it. What a duplicitous snake. Tears sprang to her eye again but she willed herself to straighten herself out, to be strong. Kylo turned back to Rey, not meeting her eyes. He strode purposefully to her and clasped his gloved hand upon her stiff shoulder, pushing her towards to bridge. Rey blanched at the thought of what was going to happen to the rebels because of her lapse in judgment, her emotional tendency. She hung her head down, staring at her feet, averting the eyes of the blubbering Hux.

Hux began to throw himself into hysterics after Kylo and Rey. “Who do you think you are talking to, you presume to command my army, taking prisoners for yourself! Our Supreme Leader is dead, WE HAVE NO RULER-“ Rey felt a strong squeeze on her shoulder and – strangely – in the back of her head as she heard Hux’s voice go mute. Her head rose to see Kylo’s opposite hand outstretched in Hux’s direction. A choked expression was painted on Hux’s face and he brought his desperate hands to his throat. 

“The Supreme Leader,” Kylo gritted deliberately, “is dead.” Rey flinched backwards, lightheaded at the fullness she felt at the base of her skull. Rage and guilt and disdain boiled through her brain. She instinctively brought her hand to meet Kylo’s at her shoulder and dug her nails into flesh, unable to think straight through the curtain of hate that had stifled every logical thought. 

“Kylo.” She groaned. How was this happening, Snoke was dead, the Force bond was his dark fantasy. It should be gone. Why was she feeling this? She understood the Force, she knew that she could sense other’s feelings, but them becoming her own was not something Luke had instructed her on.

He spun, still holding onto Hux while meeting Rey’s eyes. Anger and apathy poured out of his reddened eyes and into hers. At the look of Rey’s discomfort and silent pleading, Kylo lowered his hand and steadied himself, wiggling his jaw back into a neutral position and his fingers into a fist.

Hux fell to the ground, the Force choke subsiding, coughing and gasping dramatically. Kylo returned back to his intimidating and stoic self as he led Rey into the elevator. As they entered and the door began to fall, she could faintly hear Hux sputter out, “Long live, Supreme Leader.”


	2. Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every little thing you do keep tearing my heart in two.. every little word you say got me in a hurricane."

Rey stood slightly in front of Kylo, both motionless, as the elevator lowered to the main command center. Rey couldn't speak, couldn't muster up the betrayal she felt. Kylo didn't seem to want to admit any emotional apology or regret, either. So they stood together, Kylo's hand still unmoving on her shoulder, as the elevator halted to a stop and the door opened.

There was a frenzy of activity on the bridge, all of which quieted as Kylo and Rey exited the elevator. Kylo's boots stomped on the echoing black metal in the silence. All eyes had turned to watch the Jedi girl being led by their, unbeknownst to them, Supreme Leader. Whispers spattered through the crowd of officers and engineers. _Where is Snoke, who is she, what is going on, what are we going to do…_

"Get me patched to the bridge of Haddus. Now." Kylo grunted in the direction of a group of gaping grey-clad officers. "And bring the rebel prisoners to me." Rey gasped. Rebel prisoners? Who could they have been? Leia? No, Kylo would refuse to see her. Finn? Her heartstrings tugged sorely at the thought of Finn in his comatose state the last time she had seen him. It couldn't be him… could it?

Activity slowly began to pick up again. They continued to catch glances out of the corner of their eyes. They did not ever dare ask questions of Snoke's terrifying apprentice. Ren's uncharacteristic disheveled appearance and unmasked face peaked everyone's interest; Rey could feel their anxiety increasing. Alas, they had no time for pondering and curiosity. The rebels were escaping and the Haddus was preparing for hyper speed.

"Sir, continue with the cannons?" A squirmy engineer shot glances back and forth between his monitor and Kylo. Kylo shook his head slightly, still moving forward, and held his hand up carelessly, "Cease fire." Rey whipped her head over her shoulder to look at Kylo. What was he onto?

Kylo and Rey approached the hologram projector. Kylo stopped her and let go of her shoulder, moving a few feet ahead of her. He clasped his fist behind his back and looked out at the rebel Haddus through the clear glass. Rey wondered how many lifeboats, how many of her friends, had been destroyed. Rey focused on the back of Kylo's head, willing him to look at her. She stood awkwardly behind, waiting for Kylo to redeem himself like she still believed he could. His prisoner, huh? She would not belong to him. Ever. Not after this.

She gritted her teeth and projected her hurt at his actions towards him, aching for him to feel and understand her pain. How could he do this? There was hope and he crushed it. She slipped inside his mind and prodded at the same spot in the back of his brain that he had penetrated in hers. She saw Kylo stand up straighter and take in a deep breath. A slight tilt in his head became evident and it seemed as if he began to take step back, maybe to turn to her.

Admiral Holdo's pale bluish body filled the holo space in front of Kylo and he returned to his resigned state. Holdo, a women Rey had been vaguely introduced to during her short time with the resistance, seemed as if she had been interrupted in the middle of something, a surprised, hurt, and determined look on her face.

"Kylo Ren. What did I ever do to be graced with you presence? Bored with the extermination of my entire fleet?" Holdo's sarcastic fire could be felt even through the holo. Rey smirked with pride at her admiral.

"You'll notice that I had mercy on your measly fleet of lifeboats. Cease with the hyper speed preparation, you know we can follow you." Kylo's voice rang out, deep and harsh.

"Not after I'm finished with you." Holdo's voice seethed through ground teeth, the hologram flickering.

Kylo stood tall. "I have some things of yours with me, would you like to see?" Kylo turned to motion for Rey to step forward into the hologram. He met her eyes with no ounce of warmth. Rey's heart sunk. Rey understood now. He was using her as a pawn, as a hostage. She shook her head hard and whimpered out a protest. "Please, no, Ben."

"Come. Now." Kylo raised his hand in the same way he had in the throne room. Rey allowed a single tear to flow as the irony washed over her, the opposite spectrums of hope she was feeling at this moment and the moment in the throne room. She shuffled forward slowly, watching Admiral Holdo's face contort into understanding and disbelief.

"Oh, dear child, are you alright?" Holdo's motherly instincts had very obviously kicked in. She moved her hand to unseen buttons and gadgets around her.

"Sir, we detect terminated hyper space preparation." An officer rang out somewhere behind them all.

"I knew you'd see sense, Holdo. Well done." Kylo's condescending tone and expression annoyed Rey more than she should have let it and she made sure that Kylo felt it hard in the back of his head. His neck twitched slightly and he swallowed hard. "You will join your alliance on the surface of Crait and the First Order will meet you there to discuss the hostages."

"Hostages?" Holdo's anxious tone was reaching manic levels. At that moment, the door hatch opened with a jet of steam. Kylo and Rey both turned to face the storm troopers, Captain Phasma heading them all, with a unruly Finn and an unknown girl in cuffs. Rey gasped and let out an uninhibited scream, "Finn!"

"Rey!" Finn scrambled out of Phasma's grip and began to run toward Rey on the concourse. Rey broke out into a wide and sad smile, realizing how much she had missed him and how comforted she was for him to be okay. She turned to meet him and she felt Kylo grab her wrist, tightening with every writhing she could muster. Phasma raised her stun gun and aimed at Finn, hitting him solidly in the back, a short yelp escaping from the paralyzed Finn as he hit the hard metal of the concourse. The small girl also in cuffs twisted and screamed at the stormtroppers. "Stop it, don't hurt him. Please, no!" Her outfit was clear that of a rebel technician so Rey deduced through her anger with Phasma and Kylo that she must be the other prisoner.

"Let. Me. Go." Rey turned to face Kylo and allowed the Force to pulsate down her arm and into Kylo's grip on her wrist. She could feel push back on his part, the Force he was emitting meeting her at his fingertips. After several quieted seconds, the background noise of Phasma pulling Finn up from the floor, Holdo screaming at Kylo to release her people immediately all went mute. Kylo's eyes bore into Rey's, daring her to push harder. _That's it, Rey, good._

 _Get out of my head, traitor._ Rey could feel cold laughter filling her skull.

 _You don't know betrayal, girl._ The corner of Kylo's lip twitched and he stared deeper. _This is useless, you know. We are equals in the Force._

Rey stared, unblinking through Kylo's eyes and into his headspace, sensing his effort and his conflict. Kylo met her inside her own mind.

Finally, the polarizing magnetism of their connection broke for a split second and Kylo ripped his arm back as Rey pulled her's down.

"Rey…" Finn's tired voice came right behind her, Phasma dragging him and the mechanic to the holo projector. Rey grabbed Finn's arm and squeezed as his eyes flitted open. "I'm so sorry, Finn." Finn's head shook and he chuckled softly

"You have no idea how worried I was for you. Life can move on now that you're back." Rey swallowed and shook her head lightly, attempting to smile for him.

Holdo's face grew more distressed as they entered the vision field. She looked dejected and conflicted. "We will see you on Crait." She finally said after meeting eyes with all three of the prisoners.

Rey spoke up instinctively, "Admiral, call the Falcon, Chewie is there, he is in the system." Kylo shot a perturbed glance at Rey as Holdo nodded solemnly and ended the hologram transmission. Rey challenged Kylo's glance with hard eyes and clenched fists at her side. He turned to Phasma, addressing her and the whole room.

"Snoke is dead." The room froze again and then, after what seemed like an eternity of stillness and unbelief, erupted in distress and confusion. Kylo swiped his hand across the room and the voices silenced, the officers and engineers, looking up at Kylo Ren, understanding the meaning of Snoke's death.

"All hail, Supreme Leader Ren!" Kylo did not respond and did not allow an ounce of emotion to drip onto his face. But Rey felt it. He was _discontent._ Wasn't this what he wanted, to rule the galaxy? He killed Snoke. What was he playing at?

Phasma spoke among the blubbering din, "And Hux?"

The elevator then shot out a trembling Hux, who tripped over his cape once while approaching them. Kylo raised his hand and tweaked his head in Hux's direction. Phasma turned to address her commander.

Finn looked at Rey, "It's true? You killed Snoke?!" His voice trembled with excitement and unease. The petite girl with Finn introduced herself quickly as Rose. She looked dejected and so young, too young to be entrenched in this war, to Rey. Rey looked down at her feet and then up to Kylo, who had moved by her side again, wrapping his hand around the point of her shoulder.

And just like that, Kylo was leading her away, away from Finn and Rose, and out of the bridge. He barked orders at Phasma, Hux, and others along the way out to get the transport shuttles ready.

They were going to Crait to meet the rebels.


	3. Swing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She moves in my direction, she's such a lovely thing. I put aside my affection, she says to me, 'Take your swing.'"

Shortly after leaving the bridge, Kylo left Rey in the custody of several storm troopers to navigate the maze of _Supremacy_ to what she assumed would end at a loading bay. He left her with no sense of a goodbye or expectancy. He was attempting to block her from entering his mind again, with quite a lot of success. What was he up to? So much confusion waved through her mind, Rey's brain ached, pounding against her temple

She felt cold and alone again, walking alongside these white, rigid storm troopers. These things… Finn had been one of them not long ago. Finn could never be that stiff and unchanging. That's the reason she loved Finn. She smiled slightly, looking down at her feet. She tried to focus on Finn, finding him within the ship. It was difficult, as he was not quite what one would call Force-sensitive and she had to focus on walking without swaying side-to-side into the white statues of men to her side. She felt something, almost a shadow of Finn, his voice muffled. He sounded calm. Good. At least he was not in distress.

As she glanced up to make sure she was walking in the right direction, she found that the storm troopers had stopped and she was surrounded except for one opening that lead to a door that led into a small room that looked like luxurious quarters. Why was she not on her way to board a transport with everyone else? A storm trooper stepped behind her and nudged her forward with his blaster.

"In." The tall storm trooper croaked through his modulated mask. Rey scowled and understood then. She was not traveling to Crait with everyone else. She was going to be locked in this prison of a bedroom while her people were poked and prodded into surrender. Rey felt as if her stomach was rolling and twisting into knots as she slowly fell forward into the room. Kylo knew what he was doing when he left her with all these storm troopers; she could use the Force on one of them and bend their will. No way she could tempt them all to aid in her escape to the loading dock.

She did not watch as the door was shut behind her. She could feel a group of nervous storm troopers gather into a sort of guard outside of her door. Rey rolled her eyes and clamped her quivering mouth shut. What was the use of sadness at this point?

She gazed around at the room she was trapped in. There was an expansive black bed, pristinely made on the far wall, framed by two equally as expansive windows, where she could see the white planet that was Crait. She averted her eyes, unable to fathom that she was being held hostage here. Furniture was minimal besides the bed. A few, clustered chairs surrounding a small, empty table to her left. Some cabinets to her right.

She opened the cabinets to find rations and portions neatly stacked and color-coded. This was more portions than she had ever seen or acquired for herself on Jakku. She resisted the urge to rip them all apart and eat her fill. Her stomach still rolled, nauseous from the aching in her head.

A door the right of the bed led into a refresher. A desk to the left of the bed seemed to have been the only sign of previous life in the room, a holo-tablet laid carelessly on its face and a jagged piece of silver metal rested carefully at the top of the desk.

Rey pondered the piece of metal. It was the length of her middle finger, twisted and bent in odd places. She went to touch it. She froze, fingers barely grazing the cold, steel. She heard a blood-curdling scream. _No, Ben, please no!_ The pounding in Rey's head grew into a cacophony of screaming and begging, but there was no one in sight. She was utterly alone. She fell onto her knees and bent forward. Please, Gods, stop the noise. She felt _everything._ She saw clear flashes of green and blue light and a sudden, ragged burst of red. The back of her head felt heavy, like a liquid lead was being pressed through her brainstem. Just as she felt like she was going to pass out from the pain, it all stopped.

She opened her eyes, unable to see clearly through the stinging of salty tears. She could see the blurred shape of Kylo was standing in the open door frame, two armored storm troopers flanking him. He was staring down at her with the most emotion she had seen in his eyes since offering her the galaxy. Or that could have been the tears distorting her perception. A steady stream of tears ran down her face and her breathing remained jagged and gasping. Her head pounded with aftershock.

Kylo raised one hand, still keeping his eyes locked on her. The storm troopers nodded and exited the room, shutting the door slide. Rey couldn't say anything. She didn't know what to say. All the anger, the sadness, the pain, the crushed hope boiling up inside her spilled over and she continued to weep silently. Her body felt like it had turned to hardened clay, incapable of moving from the kneeled position she had fallen to. Kylo took long, calculated steps toward Rey.

"I can't leave you alone for 15 minutes." Humor rested on his lips as he sat down in the desk chair and leaned down to her, his face but a foot from hers. Rey couldn't help but stare back, silently and helplessly.

"I would be angry at you for touching my things, but how can I be when you had no one to teach you that was rude?" Kylo reached to the floor where the piece of metal had clattered and picked it up, holding it in his palm.

Rey finally found her voice and softly whispered. "What is that thing?" Kylo knocked it around with his finger, staring intently with his eyebrows raised.

"It is," He finally rose form his seat and swiveled to the desk, laying the piece of metal back in it's original place, "a piece of steel from Luke's Jedi temple." He turned back to Rey and offered her a hand. "It sits there as a reminder of who I am and what I have become. I would advise you not to ever touch it again."

Rey nodded hurriedly and reluctantly took his hand. He pulled her up to her feet in one swift motion. Rey felt wobbly and dizzy on her feet. She steadied herself with Kylo's hand. Remembering why she was in this room in the first place, Rey seethed.

"Who do you think you are, leaving me here to watch you take off with _my_ friends in tow to negotiate with _my_ people." Rey stepped back away from him now, anger rising out of her with reckless abandon. "You are a lying, cheating, horrid snake. I see why Snoke wanted you. You fit so perfectly."

Kylo tilted his head to the side, his face breaking out in – was that amusement? "You don't have people, Rey. You do not fit with them. You fit no where. No where but right here. This is where you were meant to be and you know it." He stepped closer to her, closing the tense gap to stand within inches of grazing her fingertips with his.

Rey, taken aback at the instinctive acceptance of what he was saying, stammered, "What you said in the throne room-"

"You believe I'm going against my word. You think I used you…" A twinge of pain flittered across Kylo's eyes. Rey didn't have to answer. She could feel him searching her head, softly and gently this time, not probing like she had felt in the past. She didn't have the strength to push him out. She closed her eyes and sighed. _Please. Ben._ She felt him vacate the confines of her mind willingly, kindly. His eyes were now full of aching and remorse.

"I… I had to put on the Supreme Leader show. I still have to keep up appearances. For the time being. What I said before, it's all true, it still is. I want you to be a part of this – all of this." Rey felt her edges softening. She could feel the sincerity dripping in his voice. This was the Ben she felt like she knew.

"You didn't murder Snoke just so you could murder me yourself? Use me as a bargaining chip against the resistance?"

"No, Rey." Kylo shook his head violently and wiggled his jaw to part his mouth. He stared down at Rey, searching. Rey cursed herself for enjoying the way he said her name.

"So why can I not come to Crait?" A knocking at the slider door sounded through the quarters and a female officer entered. Immediately, Kylo swung around to march towards her.

"The transporters are all ready, sir, just awaiting your guidance." Her voice shook and her hands were shaking at her side. She made it a clear point to avoid his gaze. Kylo obviously intimidated this poor girl. Rey noticed the wide stance he tended to take, his hands clenched in tight fists and his solid, stoic presence that seemed to cast a shadow on everyone around. She realized, for the first time, that he had yet to scare her. She could see through the intimidation and could see Ben, not Supreme Leader.

"Yes, go now." Kylo sounded perturbed, shooing her away.

"You - you aren't going?" Rey wrestled with the idea of having him here with her while the entire First Order fell upon the dwindling resistance.

"Supreme Leaders send others to do their bidding." The corner of his lip twitched as he strode over to the cabinets. "Let me make you some caf."


	4. Line Of Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Help me out, don't let me down. I could learn from you, I could learn from you."

Rey sat across the small table from Kylo, exhausted and spent from the day. Yet, she couldn't seem to find it in herself to push away from the table, from him to find sleep on the sprawling bed.

They hadn't spoken since Kylo began preparing some rations and caf. Rey realized the severity of her hunger as she tore into her feast with reckless abandon. The sweet and savory flavors sunk down her throat and it was all she could do not to groan in pleasure.

Kylo held a cup of caf tenderly in his hand, sipping silently. He had his eyes fixed on Rey. She stared back, tracing the mutilation she had inflicted down his long face. She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, willing herself not to lean across the table and touch his cheek.

"It's healing well." Rey remarked, pointing at his face. Kylo brought his hand to his face automatically, averting his eyes from her. He did not speak. "It suits you." Rey encouraged him. It really did, it made him look like a warlord defender of the galaxy.

He smiled, a real smile, one she had never seen on his face.

"Maybe you knew what you were doing when you tried to kill me in that forest."

"Maybe I did." Rey quipped back at him, trying to hide the smile that was rising to her own face. She looked around the room again. "This place…"

"Are my quarters, yes." His smile began to fade but he looked around his room fondly. "I find myself here more and more often, as of late" Rey remembered seeing him, shirtless, in this same room while on Ahch-To. Her cheeks went red involuntarily. He rose from his chair and began to clean the table.

Rey tore her eyes away from Kylo's back to stare out at the transporters approaching Crait. She stood and walked to the window, placing her trembling hand on the glass as if to reach out into space. What Kylo had said about her place being here, not with Leia and the resistance rang through her fatigued mind. Was this true? What even was true after today? What had her decision implied?

She pressed her forehead against the glass and sighed. She felt Kylo's eye on her. He slipped seamlessly into the back of her head. She tried to push back from his unwelcome entrance into her head, but she gave up quickly, realizing how exhausted she was. She could feel him exploring the labyrinth of her mind. She didn't know what disturbed her more, him being able to navigate through her mind or that she was beginning to enjoy the feeling.

Her eyes began to droop as Kylo found just the right spot in her head to shut down.

_Sleep, Rey. I'm here._

The last thing she felt was Kylo carrying her weak, falling body into the fluffy expanse of the bed and tracing his gloved finger down her jaw.

* * *

"I accept the Resistance's surrender and I grant you all passage to Naboo. I am pleased to hear you understand our… agreement." Rey's eyes fluttered open as she heard Kylo's muffled voice. She climbed out from underneath the dark covers and squinted her adjusting eyes. At the table sat Kylo, speaking to a holo version of Haldo. Kylo's eyes caught Rey's momentarily and Rey could barely see his face relax before he straightened his face and nodded at the hologram. "The First Order will see to it that the Haddus is stocked with fuel cells and ready for departure within the day."

Rey could see Haldo's dejected demeanor from here. Rey was saddened and enraged all at once.

She threw herself out of bed as Kylo shut the holo tab off.

"They surrendered?" Rey was finding it difficult to hold her composure. She couldn't understand what she was feeling. This was the choice she made when taking Kylo's hand, but she still wanted to be a part of these compromises, she wanted to stand by Leia and Finn and Chewie and them all. Confusion fill her mind because she was beginning to understand what this all meant for her…

"There were negotiations for surrender and a peaceful exile to Naboo. They got the prisoners back, safe and sound." Rey sighed some relief as Kylo addressed the increasing anxiety that was growing on her face. Finn was going to be okay. They were all going to be okay. Kylo paused.

"Naboo is where my grandmother was queen, she married my grandfather there…" Kylo averted his eyes. Rey sensed his heart beating hard. Leia, being exiled on her own mother's planet. How merciful and… kind.

Realization then came to her face as Kylo stepped slowly to her, heart still slamming into his chest. "What about me?" Rey clenched her fist and glared into his eyes. She already knew the truth.

He hesitated, just for a split second. Apology seeped from his every orifice. "You're staying here. You were a part of the deal."

Rey didn't let the tears that threatened to spill over fall. She nodded curtly and swallowed quickly, thinking of all the people she was leaving behind and how this ultimately was for their ultimate good. "This is what I asked for, huh?"

"Rey…" He was hurt for her. He stepped even closer and Rey couldn't contain the emotions any longer, not with the Force between them both bearing down harder with every inch Kylo moved closer to her. She closed her eyes and dropped her head, letting herself weep again. How weak could she be, how emotionally unstable?

Kylo repeated her name as Rey raised to see his bare hand extended towards her face, inching forward to touch her. Rey's breathing stopped as she froze. They hadn't touched, _really_ touched since... His fingers grazed her messy, sleep-distressed hair and slid to cradle the side of her face. His hands were soft and warm and surged with brilliant energy. She gasped as his whole hand cupped her face and he drew her closer to him, tangling his fingers in her hair.

The energy that Rey felt was not that of power or possession, but of a kind of joy and excitement. The same hope that she had felt before dripped unceasingly through every thought, every image of the future that raced through her mind.

 _Is this what you want, Ben?_ Rey spoke to him, wordlessly. She didn't speak out loud, scared that her voice would not be able to form coherency. He did not flinch at his name. Her mind was being filled with images of a serene future, a coexisting one. _Ben._ There was Naboo, with all the resistance, living in tranquility and bliss. _Ben._ There was the entire galaxy, glowing in peace. _Ben._ In the background was Kylo, a bright, white light shining from his chest and she, standing beside him, grinning and hold his hand. _Ben._

Kylo parted his lips and pulled her closer still. Was he seeing the same thing she was? Rey tilted her head high to look up at Kylo, tears still seeping out of her pooling eyes. Could he feel the strange pull she felt? She brought her hand to cover Kylo's and leaned into it, letting herself commit to the feeling.

Kylo's breath hitched as he leaned to her, their lips barely inches apart. Rey took a deep breath, accepting her fate, before closing the distance and placing her salty lips upon Kylo's for what felt like an eternity. Vivid sparks of light lit up the shadows in her brain and she felt Kylo fill her every corner. Kylo's hand gripped the back of her head and the other hand found her waist. The Force was undulating and heaving around them, seeking to contain the power the kiss created.

_Ben._

And as soon as it began, it ended. The bond broke and Kylo had stepped back, eyes filled with an unreadable emotion. Was that fear? Rey felt pinned to the spot he left her in, still barely able to contain her breathing.

"I'm sorry." Rey rasped out after several seconds of silence. Kylo clenched his fists and straightened himself out, becoming the intimidating, Supreme Leader Kylo again.

"I have to go. Transports will be back any minute." With that, he turned on his heels and walked out the room swiftly, leaving her to pull apart the meaning and emotion behind the kiss all by herself. Emptiness echoed in her head where he once occupied and she felt a shiver come from the deepest parts of herself.

She was alone.


	5. Grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Blind and childish, I won't fight it. Here I hide underneath my innocence."

Rey entered the refresher and stripped down to nothing, feeling the soreness and ache in her bones with each movement and bend. She turned toward the full length mirror and stared at her bruised body. It dawned on her that she had not had the luxury of looking in very many mirrors her entire life. This glass was clear and left a crisp image of her tired body. She stared, tracing the outline of her arms and shoulders and waist and hips and down her legs. What had she become? Who was she?

 _You're nobody._ Kylo's words rang in her head like a gong. She closed her eyes tight and pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose, a new ache spreading across her already throbbing head.

_But not to me._

The phrase didn't seem as far away as the other. Kylo was in her head again, a faint heaviness was growing in the base of her brain.

 _Get out of my head._ Rey halfheartedly sneered at him. She was suddenly extremely self-conscious. Could he see her surroundings? Could he see _her?_

 _You know I can't do that._ His voice was soft and apologetic, as if he was truly sorry about the invasion. His figure was becoming clearer, she felt like she could reach out and touch him.

She softened, realizing that she hated the way he left her before. _Why did you have to go?_

Rey felt him shrug. _I'm Supreme Leader now._ As if that was a full explanation.

He began to slip out of her head, the fullness escaping her. She shook her head hard, clearing what was left of him in her head and refused to look at the mirror again, afraid of what it might reveal.

* * *

After she had cleaned up, she was met with a clean change of clothing, neatly folded upon the now unspoiled bed.

She did not object to clean clothes, even though they smelled sterile and were too grey for her standards. She slipped on the tunic and tied a wide belt to cinch her waist after pulling on tight leggings. Surprisingly, they fit well and hugged her curves better than her own tattered outfit. The fabric felt scratchy on her skin, which may be due to the immense amount of scrubbing she had endured in the refresher. She felt as if she couldn't get clean enough, couldn't wash enough of the past off to satisfy her.

She returned to the refresher and wrapped and tied her hair in several buns down the back of her head. She tossed cold water into her face to try to clear her head.

As she exited the refresher once again, she found that the room was occupied with someone else. General Hux was strolling around the room with his hands behind his back, not looking at the alarmed Rey.

"A scavenger." He scoffed, still not wasting a glance at her. "Kylo Ren allows a lapse in judgment, in protocol for a scavenger."

Rey stood awkwardly in the door of the refresher, hands gripping into a fist over and over. Hux was not as clumsy and unconfident here in the absence of Kylo. He seemed as if he found humor and a sick enjoyment in being here, alone with Rey with Kylo not around. The thought made Rey's stomach retch. She searched her mind while watching Hux strolled around the room, looking through cabinets and in drawers lazily. _Kylo, where are you?_ She was met with static silence.

Hux meet Rey's stare finally and made strides toward her. She stiffened and leaned back, away from the threatening General.

"I have been sent to retrieve you." He looked down at her hungrily, as if he had sick plans running through his head while he looked her over from this proximity.

Rey furrowed her eyebrow. "You can't make me leave." She spit down at his shoes and she attempted to enter his mind, to try and convince him to leave immediately. While easily accessed, his mind was too dark to navigate. Hux looked down at his now soiled shoes and grimaced grossly.

"Oh, we will see." Hux spat back as he turned on his heels and walked out the open door, three large storm troopers entering behind him. Her presence in his mind sprang back, leaving her defenseless.

Rey couldn't even begin to put up a fight against these storm troopers. She stood tall and two of them took an arm and the other flanked them from behind and they led her out in the hallway and away from where she felt most safe on the ship.

* * *

"Can you at least act like you're grateful?" Kylo snapped at Rey. She crossed her arms across her chest and refused to look at him.

The storm troopers had marched her quite roughly to the hangar bay and into Kylo's command shuttle. They sat her in a seat and attempted to strap her into the harness with great difficulty, as Rey had kicked one of them in the chest, causing him to clash against the others. At this point, Kylo came up the smoky ramp, mask on, gloves donned, and cape whiping behind him. It reminded her of the day in the forest of Takodana, when they first met. He shooed the storm troopers away.

"Why should I be thankful? I was just ripped from your quarters because Hux said, 'he was sent to _retrieve_ me'. I see no reason why I should be thankful for this." Rey gestured to her messy harness, some straps too tight and some undone. Kylo knelt down at her feet to loosen the constricting straps and buckle the others. His gloves glided over her thighs and down her chest quickly and with purpose but that did not relieve Rey from feeling the redness in her cheeks return, threatening to expose the way his hands made her feel.

Still messing with the harness, not looking at her face, he whispered forcefully, the modulator in his mask distorting his voice, "Hux failed to mention where I'm taking you?"

"Must have slipped his mind." Rey looked over Kylo's head and spoke through her teeth, thankful that the bridge was dark.

He rose up and leaned over, hands on either hand rest, his mask inches from hers. He paused momentarily but almost as soon as he had been there, he was gone to command the pilots.

Rey took a deep, shuddering breath, cursing herself and Kylo. Why did he have this effect over her?

She could faintly hear Kylo talk in hushed tones to the pilots. "Make sure to lead the fleet, I want to land first and make my presence known."

Rey waited impatiently while Kylo returned and lazed, unharnessed, in the seat directly in front of her, their knees almost touching. He removed his helmet and laid it in the seat next to him. His dark hair fell gently, brushing his collar. His eyes were expressionless. Rey was frustrated with this and tried to access his mind. He met her there at the entrance, pushing her out, still no emotion leaking out.

 _If I have the courtesy to attempt to stay out of your mind, you can, too._ His intense eyes flitted to hers with warning.

Rey was taken aback and resisted his opposition. _I just want to know where we are going. I think I deserve that._

Kylo rubbed a gloved finger along his bottom lip, as if he knew it was driving her crazy. The pilots began to press and pull assortments of buttons and levers and the command shuttle began to rumble. They were taking off. Clipped voices over the radio confirmed their preparedness to fly. Through the front window shield, she could no longer see the hangar bay, but a vastness of stars. The dim lighting in the bridge cast shadows on Kylo's face as he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and interlacing his fingers in front of him. He searched Rey's face.

"We are going to Naboo. I thought that the Supreme Leader may need to be present at the exile of the Resistance."

"So you brought me along to watch as my friends become prisoners on a planet? A planet that you conveniently chose over any other in the galazy." Rey rolled her eyes, exasperated, and crossed her arms, yet again.

Kylo leaned back in the seat. "I couldn't leave you on my ship for days to do whatever and control whosever mind you wanted to try to escape. You need my direction." His voice did not seem convincing.

Rey smirked, understanding. "You didn't want to leave me. Admit it."

Kylo did not respond and wiggled his lower jaw, releasing tension that Rey just became aware of.

"Or… is there another reason?" Rey pressed her body against the harness, forgetting that it was there. She wished she could break free of it and lean forward to touch Kylo again, if only for a second.

After a few minutes of silence, Rey had dolefully accepted that he was not going to reveal his secrets, when he finally spoke, barely audible.

"I wanted you to be able to see them again, one last time."

Rey couldn't find herself to speak or meet his eyes to reveal how much gratefulness she had in her heart for him in that moment. So she leaned back in her seat, resting her head slightly to the side and closed her eyes, letting her self turn inwards, hiding from his examining gaze and resisting the urge to let him join her in her lonely mind.


	6. Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give me a piece of this, bright-eyed with the rhythm of him. Skyline and horizon, please. We’ll find out, finding our own skin."

_Rey jolts awake and sees a dimly lit room, a masked Kylo sitting on his heels, motionless, in front of her. She is locked to an upright table with solid, thick handcuffs. The air around her is thick with... something she can't quite place her finger on. An ominous heaviness._

_She addresses Kylo. "Where am I?" Fear leaks out of her. She has been here before, this exact scene_. It's just a dream, it's just a dream.

_Kylo breathes slowly through his modulator. "You're my guest." He stands, taller than she remembers, and walks closer to her, the air growing thicker with each step. She is suffocating by the time he reaches her and places his hand against her temple in tender way._

_Without provocation or indication, searing pain aches through her mind._ This isn't real. _Kylo's hand tenses and electricity is flows to and from her brain and his fingertips._ Fight it, Rey, it's not real. _Just as soon as she feels like she may scream out in agony…_

"Rey, it's time." Kylo shook her awake, alerting her of the nearing Naboo. Rey raised her hand to her head and she rubbed her temple. "Bad dreams, I assume?"

Rey couldn't tell if that was a question or a statement, so she just nodded.

"Don't worry, I get them too." His mask remained in the extra seat. Rey was thankful to see his eyes, his twinkling, deep brown eyes after that. He sat gingerly in the seat next to her after the pilots announced they were entering Naboo gravity. The command shuttle jolted as the pilots navigated the airspace.

"Can you see my dreams?" Rey probed. She wondered if he had the same sort of dreams as she. Distorted, past reality…

"No, I wish. I feel your heart beat faster and your emotions are all over the place, even worse than when you are awake." Kylo quipped at her and she nudged his elbow with her own.

Rey caught herself. What were they doing? Joking around like they weren't about to land on Naboo to exile the Resistance, pretending the pilots were not just steps away. Disregarding Rey's prisoner status and Kylo's supremacy.

Kylo sensed her hesitation and steeled. "It's okay, I know." he whispered, "I apologize." His faltering voice and the sudden weight in the base of her skull told Rey that he understood. But how could he? How much _real_ weight went into that apology?

Rey peeked past Kylo to look out the window shield to see the lush, green plains and vast, towering forests of Naboo growing closer, barely thinking, she stood and strode to stand behind the pilots. Waterfalls crashed over endless cliff faces and swamps went on for miles. She could faintly see resistance transports landing on a large pad outside of an enormous white stone city.

"Theed." Rey had not heard Kylo sneak up behind her as she gawked at the beauty. "It's beautiful, huh?" She did not turn to see what he was looking at as he said this, but could faintly feel his eyes on the back of her head.

Rey nodded. This place reminded her of Takodana. So much green, so much water. Tears sprang in her eyes as she remembered her conversation with Han Solo after landing there and stepping out of the Millennium Falcon onto the soft earth. _He_ took that joy away from her. A sudden surge of anger and frustration ran through every inch of her and she felt Kylo gasp, almost inaudibly. He had to have felt it, the Force was coursing through her, her eyes curtaining over in a red tint.

_Rey, it's okay to be angry._

"So much for you to say." Rey snapped rigidly. The pilots swiveled in their seats and after giving Rey a questioning look and seeing the threatening eyes of their Leader, turned back to their stations.

She turned and pushed past Kylo's statue of a body. He staggered back as the Force also slammed into him. She crossed her arms over her chest and sat on the seat that Kylo had employed during the flight. She made it a point to bump into his mask. It clattered onto the ground to Kylo's feet, which seemed to follow her.

Kylo looked as if he was at a loss for words, melancholy churning in his eyes. He reached down and picked up his mask, tucking it under his arm.

"You know you never gave me an answer why. Why did you do it?" Kylo pressed his luck at pushing into her headspace and an apologetic wave washed over her. Rey set her lips in a hard line, determined to not let him have what he wanted. Rey tried to not dwell on the immense feeling of gravity she felt towards Kylo as he felt gingerly around her head. Kylo didn't have time to respond to her reiterated inquiry as they felt the command shuttle land and a light hissing sound emitted from the ramp. It was lowering for Kylo to make his entrance on the landing pad.

Kylo looked pleadingly at her, the same begging eyes she saw in the throne room. After several endless seconds, he sighed heavily and held his hand out to her.

"There's nothing I can say right now, Rey." Rey was about to snap back at him when he continued. "But I know that the entire resistance is waiting for _our_ arrival. And I will give you the answers you seek soon."

Rey knew it was true and that the time was not now. She, against her own previous will, trusted him to deliver on his promise. She begrudgingly took his hand, realizing with surprise that the Force stood still and at attention now, even when touching skin to skin. No electrifying explosions of memories from the past or visions of the future. No shocking emotional blending.

The last thought she had before exiting the command shuttle to meet her friends was that he felt more like Ben than Kylo than he ever had.

* * *

Kylo stood, pensive and stoic, at the end of the ramp, as Rey left him and dashed across the landing pad to meet Finn's widespread arms, a wide grin plastered on his face. She had eyes for no one else. She barely noticed Leia's stately figure exiting one of the shuttle or the meager crowd of resistance gathered on the landing pad, cheering at the site of her.

Just Finn.

She slammed into his chest, throwing her entire being into the hug, arms around and head tucked into his neck.

"Finn…" Rey couldn't finish the thought, emotion sticking like syrup in her throat, but Finn finished it.

"I thought I was never going to see you again." Rey wiggled out of the embrace to meet his eyes. Grief mixed with joy in his huge, dark eyes. She swiped her calloused tumbs under each of his eyes to catch the falling tears that had begun to pool.

"I'm here, Finn." She whispered, not able to adequately explain the feeling of elation that was filling her chest. She saw her knew ally, Rose, over Finn's shoulder, arms folded, beaming ear to ear. Haldo flanked her with a hand on Rose's shoulder, nodding at Rey approvingly. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

"And you thought you'd just forget about me, huh?" Leia's provoking hoarse voice found Rey's ears and she turned slowly to Leia.

Leia had a kind, knowing smirk on her face. "C'mere, girl." She pulled Rey into a warm embrace, a sort of calm washed over her. Her friends. They were here. They were going to be safe.

A taller, muscular man with a short mane of black hair approached Leia and Rey.

"Hey." The man breathed cooly.

"Hey." Rey nodded at the man, realizing who this handsome man was.

"I'm Poe."

"Rey." She smiled at him, and held a hand out to shake his hand.

_That's enough._

Rey faltered and gripped her hand in a fist, raising her eyes to meet Kylo's. He was back. Not Ben, not the man she felt just moments earlier. This was Kylo. All eyes had turned toward him.

He was gliding towards the motely crew of resistance, hands clasped behind his back. His eyes did not leave Rey's. She made the note he was making an active attempt to not acknowledge _his mother._ Leia stood her ground, standing squarely towards her son, ready to face off if need be.

"Treaty signings will take place in the morning, at the palace." He seemed to be addressing the whole crowd but refused to look at any of them. "Remind yourself that you all are here under _my_ command and I will not tolerate any disobedience." His voice cut through Rey like a lightsaber. It didn't seem so clear who he was talking to, the resistance or her.

* * *

After their somber good-byes and promises for breakfast in the morning to explain everything, Rey followed Kylo, as commanded, to his shuttle.

"Where are you taking me now? Don't tell me that you're taking me _back_ to the Supremacy? Was I just here for show?"

"Of course not, you are required to be here for these treaties."

Rey didn't feel like questioning her place in the treaties, as she was unsure she wanted to know until the time came. She didn't feel like arguing for answers on where they were going, so she dropped the conversation entirely.

Kylo allowed her to walk around the command shuttle, following every footstep she took. Rey felt a question forming in the back of his mind, yet nothing ever formed into words.

_You… you feel… something… for the stormtrooper, FN-2187._

Rey stopped in her tracks and scoffed, shaking her head in amusement.

"First of all," She turned on her heels and spat out, "FINN is not a stormtrooper, he is a human being." She took another step closer to her. Kylo could see the fire in her eyes and he attempted to take a step back. Rey held him there, barging into his head and taking a hold of his stance. Rey felt, not fear, but unease cloud his brain. She couldn't tell if it was from the high level of irritation she was letting through or… something else.

"Second, he is my friend. He was my first friend and nothing will replace that." Rey was surprisingly frustrated at having to defend her love for Finn as platonic. Was it not obvious?

Kylo shook her out of his mind, shutting the opening dramatically and steadied himself, equal frustration and fury shrouding his eyes. He spoke out loud. "How can you even know you don't care for him if you've never cared for anyone before?"

Rey felt the overflow of Kylo's emotions spilling over her as she impulsively shouted, "Because it's different, Ben!" Kylo straightened, questions boiling along with his anger.

His jaw released and he wiggled – ugh, damn that wiggle, Rey thought – his jaw and relaxed it back into a soft expression.

"Different than what, Rey?" They way he said her name, the way he seemed to understand the answer fully before he even inquired…

Rey breathed shakily and pushed her palms again his rock-hard chest. Instead of her pushing him away, she merely pushed herself into the cold, steel wall behind her. She shook her head, attempting to keep Kylo's annoying attempts at entering her mind at bay. She lowered her eyes to her feet and squeezed them shut.

 _Different than what?_ He had slipped in without her even knowing. It was quiet and soft now, the sounds of the command shuttle flying through the Naboo airstream, the pilots incessant radio chatter, all of it mute now.

 _The kiss meant something before; you and I both know it. Do not deny what you already know is true._ His voice rang too clear, like a gong, through her mind with zero background noise.

Rey could feel the vibrations of his hands meeting the wall on either side of her head. Kylo's breath was hot and thick as he leaned down to place his lips lightly on the curve of her neck. She lifted her head to find that she was lost in a sea of thick black hair. Jolts of electricity seemed to be forming in the miniscule space between his lips and her skin.

 _Different than this._ It seemed like their simultaneous thought melded, connecting them even further together for a moment.

Rey brought her hands up to place one on either side of his face, cupping his sharp jaw in them. She found herself scared that she would give into fate once again as sound filled her ears once again.

"Supreme Leader, we have arrived." The pilots were pressing buttons and speaking into the radio, clearly not attempting to invade their leader's private moments. Kylo backed away from Rey, disconnecting their bond and nodded curtly.

"Let me show you this place." He held his hand out again, offering his Ben-like self to her.

How could she resist?

"What is 'this place'?" Rey asked quietly, subdued from the moments earlier.

A hint of a sad smile tweaked on the edges of Kylo's lips. "My grandmother's villa."


	7. Unwind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I toss and I turn and I crash and I burn. This passion it hurts me. When will I learn?"

"Varykino." Kylo answered Rey question, sensing her wonder and the beautiful villa, built into the lakeside hill, surrounded by billowing forests. The structure looked ageless, like it was the oldest and newest thing that Rey had ever seen.

The command shuttle had left them at the landing pad. No other shuttle had followed. They were alone. In a beautiful lakeside villa. Her mind and stomach swam with nervousness.

Upon entering the villa, several servants stood, lined at the open-air arch. They bowed at Kylo and Rey, showing their respect.

"They are bound to the family, they have no political or military alliance." The way he said family made Rey shudder. She had assumed that he felt that he had no family, no connection to anyone… anyone except Darth Vader, of course. This odd reverence she felt from him as they walked through the sprawling mansion was not something she had expected to feel towards this side of his family, the light side. They traveled onto the large balconies and into the numerous lounging and dining areas, all ornately decorated and maintained in gold and deep reds and greens and purples.

They walked in silence, Rey in awe at the magnificence and grandeur of the place. Kylo kept a close proximity to Rey, keeping a hanging hand on the small of her back, leading her through the maze of house.

The sun was setting, the deep yellow-orange light spilled into every inch of the villa. The tall arches allowed a soft breeze to waft through and reach Rey, chills running down her back and up her arms. Kylo must have noticed because he removed his dark cloak and place it around her shoulders, hands lingering at her collarbone. I was warm with his body heat and Rey found herself shivering more with the cloak than without it.

They continued to move forward, into a enormous bedroom, equipped with a roomy four-poster bed laid with a deep red quilt and plush pillows lined across the head, facing the high archways leading out to a private balcony. Lightly flowing, sheer curtains hung from the archways, causing the light to dilute and deepen. There were two large wooden dressers, intricately designed with a full-length mirror between them.

"This," Kylo's voice surprised Rey, she had gotten so used to the silence, "is your room." Rey wasn't sure where the disappointment in her chest came from. _Your room._

"I instructed the caretakers to prepare the dressers and refresher with everything you would need." Rey turned to Kylo and pursed her lips determined to not let him know her dissatisfaction.

"Thank you." She shrugged off the cloak and held it out to him. The thank you was full of more meaning than she could express, so she left it as that.

"Keep it." Kylo pushed her hand back to her. "I have plenty." The thought of a full closet of identical black capes, Kylo contemplating it every morning, made her giggle.

"Are you alright?" He looked quizzically at Rey as she walked around the room, examining the contents. She shook her head never mind.

"Anything in here I can't touch?" She quipped, thinking back to the damned steel shard.

"No, touch anything you'd like." Rey didn't have to look at Kylo to know his cheeks were growing redder. Because hers were doing the same.

She felt the constant heaviness in the back of her head grow even more distinct, knowing he wanted inside.

"Kylo, we are all alone. I'm right here. The bond is unnecessary." She stood by one of the four posters, hand running along the delicate carvings. She saw in the mirror that Kylo was striding slowly towards her, their eyes catching.

"Ben. I like when you call me Ben." His voice was barely a sigh, a breath. He was directly behind her, his hand resting on her waist. "And maybe I just like being inside your head."

Rey went still, his cloak still grasped in her lowered hand. He moved an inch closer, closing the small gap that was left between them. He lowered his head – gods, why was he so tall? – and placed his forehead to her hair. He took several deep breaths, his hand moving softly along her waist, her hip, her thigh. He gripped his hand there, bunching up the fabric of her tunic. His other hand came around her body and he placed his widen palm over her stomach, his thumb grazing the lower edge of her sternum and his pinky pressing into her waistband. He pulled her closer into his body.

"Ben…" Her breath caught in her throat. She felt heavy and frozen under his grip. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, something rising from her core.

"Say it again." It wasn't forceful. A plead.

"Ben." Her mind was fuzzy, clouded as she hyperventilated quietly. He was entering her mind in her haze. It was like she had been drugged, but it was a willing high. She was leaning into Kylo and letting him explore whatever and wherever he wanted, needed…

_padme_

Darkness was mixing evenly with her lightness, turning into a muddled grey. A muttering in the back of her brain began.

 _padme_ , _im in agony_

Shadows filled her mind and she breathed them in willingly, welcoming them, unsure of what they even brought with them.

_the closer i get to you the worse it gets_

Heat spread across her brain and instead of want, she felt anger, pain, control. The words ran together in her mind, the same ominous voice intoned into the recesses of her now darkening mind.

_the thought of not being with you, i cant breathe_

Rey stumbled away from Kylo, that red curtain shrouding her vision. Kylo called her named from somewhere far away.

_im haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me_

Rey whipped around, trying to find the source of her anger. What was controlling her this way? Who was this?

_my heart is beating…_

A mist completely covered Kylo in her head. She was lost there, inside herself. Darkness was filling the light. The shadows she welcomed in so willingly were multiplying.

_you are in my very soul, tormenting me_

Rey fell to her knees and held the side of her head with both hands. She shook it hard, trying to empty herself, find Kylo, find herself, find the light…

_anakin_

"Vader." Rey spun back into reality, a horrible nausea rolling through her. Kylo was kneeling in front of her, either hand on her shoulders, shaking her.

"What? Rey? What did you see?" Concern and curiosity filled his voice.

"I heard them. They were here." She didn't have to say anymore. Kylo pulled her weak body into an embrace and she fell into it willingly, letting him rock her back and forth, whispering that everything would be okay.

"I'm here." He consoled.

So are they, Rey couldn't help but think.

* * *

What felt like hours later, Rey allowed Kylo to pull her up and carry her, like he always seemed to do, to the bed.

Rey smiled tiredly, "Are you just trying to show off your strength when you carry me around or are you onto something?"

Kylo was expressionless when he laid her down and tucked the feather light, yet warm, quilt around her. He laid his cloak, which she must have dropped in the heat of the moment, at the foot of the bed.

She felt as if she was being engulfed into a deep cloud. He took one of her hands and wrapped it in both of his.

"I shouldn't have brought you here." He was sitting on the side of the bed, staring down at her hand.

Rey shook her head. "How could your grandmother have fallen in love with such darkness? I felt it, it was ripping through me like a plague, _he was so dark_ , Ben. How foolish could she have been?"

Kylo went tense and contemplated. "I don't think his darkness was obvious at first. I think he disguised it well. I don't think he even knew what it was until it controlled him."

"How?"

"Love. His love was his darkness."

And with that, Kylo stood, leaned down to kiss her forehead lightly, and strode to the entryway of the room. He paused for a second and looked back at her.

 _I'm right here if you need me, Rey._ He disappeared and the light from the sun fell below the horizon line, leaving Rey in a deep blue cast.

Rey hadn't realized that the door to her mind had been torn down, obliterated in the haze of Vader's - Anakin's - darkness. Vader was a real person before he became a darth. He loved a woman. Who was this Anakin?

A love so strong that it could turn into someone's darkness… This cycled in her mind as she tried to find sleep. She reached down to the end of the bed and pulled the dark fabric up to hold it, pressing her face into it. Smelling Kylo, no matter how dull this was compared to the real thing, comforted her into a calmed and rhythmic state of breathing.

Before long, sleep found her and welcomed her, lovingly. The gaping and vulnerable heaviness in the back of her head found her eyelids and drifted her away.


	8. Surprise Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk without a taint or hold, the doubts that should embrace your heart, the calm and chaos of your soul. You know you might surprise yourself."

Rey woke calmly. No sudden, horrible dream ripping open her mind. No Kylo standing over her or forcing his way into her head. His cloak was still draped over her arm.

She sat up and stretched, moaning at her tight muscles. That was the first quiet night she had experienced in weeks it felt like. The sun was just rising on the east side of the lake, spilling warm light into the bedroom. The heaviness that plagued the back of her head had subsided slightly and her mind felt surprisingly empty. Maybe Kylo was still asleep…

She slipped off the bed and toward the refresher. She rushed through a hot shower, anticipating the day. She was going to see Finn, Leia, Poe. Ben...

Exiting the shower, she cursed herself for not grabbing clothes from the dresser before walking into the refresher. She wrapped a plush white towel around her dripping, bare body. She tiptoed out to the bedroom, bee-lining to the dresser.

"Smooth. Really smooth." Rey deflated and froze as she stood in front of the dresser. She followed Kylo's voice to the balcony, seeing him facing the lake, leaning over on the stone railing. He was shirtless, a pair of dark pants the only thing gracing his pale body. His damp hair had been pulled back in a sort of bun. He was holding a ceramic cup in his hands, another identical one sitting on the ledge next to him.

"Get dressed, join me." He peeked over his shoulder at the stunned Rey, still soaking wet from the shower and empty handed. He chuckled and took a sip of his drink, facing the lake again.

Rey defrosted and gulped. Barely looking at the contents of the drawer, she vaguely recognized the shape of pants and a shirt, folded together. She grabbed them and swept away to the refresher, damning herself the whole way.

How was she _completely_ unaware of his presence? He had not tried to invade her mind all morning, there was no telling how long it had been since he awoke.

She threw her hair in a quick vertical bun style, her usual, and dried the rest of her body off. She unfolded the outfit. She blanched. The long sleeve tunic was a crisp linen white, cut asymmetrically and cinched at the waist. The back was almost completely cut out, thin strips of fabric zigzagging, creating and intricate web of design across the back. The thick black pants fit snuggly and seemed to be molded right to her.

Why would he do this to her? Give her completely impractical outfits to wear… Who did he think she was, a princess? She rolled her eyes disdainfully at herself.

Rey psyched her self up, looking in the refresher mirror, turning around in her outfit. While impractical, it was well fitting and she looked sharp in it.

She exited the refresher and flitted silently across the room and through the sheer curtains. Kylo was quiet and still, in the same spot she had last seen him in.

The light wind tousled the hair framing his face that didn't quite make it into his bun. This close, Rey understood just how much the Force bond visions deceived her. When she saw him shirtless in his room back on Ahch-To through the bond… That was nothing compared to this. His chest and abdomen were chiseled to perfection, as if by the gods. His skin, a creamy white was pocked with random scars and bruises. His wide shoulders rippled as he took another sip from his cup. Rey wanted to reach out to touch him when she got close enough…

"Caf?" She had failed to notice his eyes on her. Rey nodded, embarrassed. She leaned onto the railing next to him and took the cup from his hand. Rey noticed something again.

"Why are the… fireworks not happening anymore? When we touch?" Her voice was hoarse and crackling from the remaining sleep in her lungs.

"I don't know. It's like the Force has finally gotten used to us touching each other. The first couple of times, I think we may have freaked it out."

Rey couldn't help but laugh. "That's a good word for it." She took a sip of the caf and savored its warmth. "What's on the books for the day? You heard me promise my friends breakfast."

He finally turned and leaned his back against the railing, looking her over, expressionless. Ignoring her, he proclaimed softly, "You look like an angel."

Rey didn't know how to respond so she looked into the cup of caf and swirled the magic liquid around. Redness spattered her cheeks and she bit her lip lightly, grinning. It felt _good._ Knowing that someone admired her. Or maybe it was the feeling of knowing _he_ admired her.

He raised his fingers to lift her chin, bringing his face within inches of hers. "Please believe me when I say you look beautiful."

It was this that made her realize just how empty and alone she felt. Her head was aching, for what she could not answer. Here he was right in front of her and he had yet to prod her brain once.

"Being careful, are we?" Rey fished. Kylo shook his head, a confused expression upon his perfect face.

"I don't know what you mean." Rey tried to enter his mind, forcefully. He held strong, not letting any sign of effort come to his face. He pushed her back, stronger than ever before, the Force coming back at her and hitting her squarely.

"Why, Ben?" The hollow feeling she had in her head was beginning to stretch its way across her chest and her stomach.

"You know I can't let you in again. And likewise, you can't either." His eyes bore into her, the seriousness in his voice striking her deep. "I am not allowing what happened last night to happen again."

Understanding dawned on her. "You think our Force bond opened me up to some sort of… memory? An attack?"

"It has to be, I was not affected. Your mind was in an extremely… vulnerable state." The way he glossed over the fact that he had put her in that vulnerable state annoyed her but she decided not to say anything. "You need to be on guard."

"But, Kylo, I-"

"You need to stay on guard, nothing else." Kylo snapped at her and let go of her face. He stepped away from her and put his hands on his hips, clearly exasperated. "I just don't want you to get hurt, Rey. You cannot let the dark consume you like that. You aren't ready."

Rey, grasping what this meant, tuned away just as tears began to form. The hollowness had spread through out her whole body. She felt like a cored out gourd, no sustenance left within her.

He came up behind her, like he had the night before and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "We'll work on it. You are still young in the Force. Let me help you."

Rey nodded in unrelenting agreement, taking any opportunity he would give her to let her back in.

* * *

The command shuttle had come and picked them up soon after the conversation. They were exiting the shuttle at Theed when Captain Phasma intercepted Kylo. He was dressed to the nines in his regular, black Supreme Leader garb now, his pale chest now a distant and sad memory for Rey.

"We are to meet the leaders at the Palace Courtyard, Sir." She cast a quick masked look at Rey, and she assumed Phasma was not fond of Kylo's choice of prisoner and would not be extending an invitation to her.

"Yes. Send one of your troopers to escort Rey to the dining room." Phasma nodded curtly and waved one of her troopers alongside Rey. They walked in the opposite direction as Kylo and Phasma. Kylo let one quick glance over his shoulder signal to Rey his apology. She understood and nodded back. She didn't need him to babysit her anyway. She owed her friends an explanation and she had a feeling Kylo not being there would be for the best, no matter what the aching throb in the back of her skull was telling her.

"Rey, there you are!" Finn called from the head of a long dining table in the Royal Palace. The table was fit to hold a hundred patrons but it held only Finn, Rose, Poe, and few other scattered resistance fighters. The palace staff must have set the table full of Theed delicacies, a few fruit and pastry dishes called Rey's name as she passed them to meet them at the end of the table. Finn rose to meet her and caught her in a comfortable hug.

"Every time I see you, I still can't believe that you're here." Finn breathed and released Rey, sitting her down in a chair across the table from Rose. She was petite and had a childish grin on her face when she looked at Finn. Huh. She could see it.

Poe offered her a plate full of food and Rey did not hesitate to tear into it. She was ravenous. They watched her carefully and Rey began to wonder what everyone was onto.

"Um, guys? We all okay?" Rey spoke through chews and swallows. The food was better than she could have even imagined.

Finn spoke up first after they all exchanged quick looks. "Rey… there have been… rumors." Rey furrowed her eyebrows and met each of their eyes.

"Rumors about what?" Kylo was rubbing off on her; she was starting to ask questions she already knew the answer to.

"Well, Rey, people are saying-"

"You're involved with my son." Rey stiffened in her chair, suddenly feeling Leia's imposing presence behind her chair.

Rey turned to face her, expecting her to be angry, to scream that she was being a foolish young girl. Instead, Rey was met with the same warm, yet worried, eyes she knew and loved. Thank the gods.

Leia slipped into the chair next to her and took one of her hands. "Well, I think you have some explaining to do."

Rey dove into the story of Luke's teaching and the Force bond, making it a point to cut out parts of the more… intimate points. She described the decision to go to the Supremacy to change Kylo and how instead, he changed himself. She told them about her decision to stay with him to save the resistance. She explained the past few days and how Kylo has barely let her out of his sight, taking extreme care of her. She told them of the Force bond and how they are still connected, even though Snoke explained it was his doing. She began to dive deeper into the intricacies of the bond when Leia raised a hand.

Rey had been so engulfed with the story that she had neglected to notice that Poe and Finn were gaping, mouths falling open, at her. Rose's eyes were wide, eating up everything Rey was saying. Leia's eyes were full of understanding and questioning all at the same time.

"So… what your telling me is that Ben is holding you hostage so that we can be free?" Leia tilted her head and gave Rey's hand a squeeze.

"No, Leia, that's not what it is… I went willingly. I want to be where I'm at, with him. He's been… incredible."

"But, Rey, sweet girl, your place is with us. Ben is unstable and you cannot take on the job of fixing him."

Finn piped up. "Yeah, Rey, you should be with us. He's dangerous, he cannot be trusted."

Rey shook her head, aggravated at their misunderstanding. "You don't get it. He's changing. Every minute I've been with him, he's changed. I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be." The immensity at the back of her head was pulsating. _Ben?_ She called out into the emptiness for him, searching for him.

"Please trust me when I say I am doing the right thing." Rey looked around at all their worried expressions. "I'm right here on the planet. He's promised me that we will stay until the treaties and the exile is complete. Let's enjoy this while we can."

Finn's agitation burst forward at Rey, "While we can? I just got you back. He can't take you away from us again."

Rey let her head hang and she took a deep, contemplative breathe. She looked out the window at the bustling city, the lush greenery. Did they not understand? She did all of this for them, to save them.

"I'm asking you all to keep your faith in me. I'm doing this for all of our good." They cast dejected and anxious looks towards Rey.

Surprisingly, Rose spoke up, "That's how we are going to win. Not fighting what we hate, but saving what we love."

Rey smiled widely at Rose, "You understand. Thank you." Rose nodded at Rey, her eyes falling on an oblivious Finn.

"You love him, Rey? Truly?" Leia spoke in a whisper. Her eyes were filled with a painful longing.

Rey sighed and nodded. "Enough to try this crazy scheme." Leia 's face cast into disappointment at Rey's nonchalant answer but Rey fixated on Poe and Finn.

"Keep the fire alive here, the rebels are not dead, just dormant. There is still a spark, no matter how small." That seemed to perk them all up.

"I will try to keep in contact as much as possible, I promise." Rey rose to her feet, along with everyone else as a storm trooper approached their end of the table. This was their goodbye for now. She embraced each of them, Leia last.

"Take care of him, I know he needs you more than we do."


	9. Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll give you everything I have, I'll teach you everything I know. I promise I'll do better."

The stormtrooper informed Rey they were going back to the hangar. The mid-afternoon sun was hanging in the air, heavy and hot on Rey's back. As they entered the hangar, the humidity hit Rey squarely.

Rey eyed the edge of the hangar and felt a vague breeze that paled in comparison to that which was evident in the city streets. She turned and mischievously peered at the oblivious storm trooper. She invaded his weak mind, surprised at how easy it was compared to the first time she ever did this.

"You are going to allow me to go to the edge of the hangar and you will stay right here." Her voice was flat and piercing. She felt the belief sink into her victim's thoughts easily like a saber.

The stormtrooper made a questioning move towards her than stepped back. "You can go to the edge of the hanger and I will stay right here."

Rey grinned and turned on her heels, toward the edge of the hanger. There was activity all around, palace mechanics tinkering away at the Royal House's shuttles, a few resistance fighters examining the transports for damage. Some of them nodded at Rey, looks of hope apparent.

She prayed she could live up to that hope.

She continued to the very edge of the hangar, which hung over an infinite cliff into an equally as infinite forest. A violently crashing waterfall spilled over to her right from the heart of the city to a far away pool at the base of the cliff.

Large flocks of brightly colored birds chirped and sprang from their perch at the canopy of trees. They flew in circles and finally off into the distance, singing a melancholic tune.

Rey couldn't help but wish she could be a bird. Flying wherever and whenever she wanted. No rules, not obligations, no allegiances. Just her and her wings and her song. There was a blaring gap in that dream but Rey tried to ignore it.

The sweet, cool breeze flew across her. Filling her lungs, she closed her eyes and imagined being free.

 _Someone's being bad today._ Rey suddenly felt fullness in her head. She sighed a breath of relief. There he was, leaning on the edge of her brain. Rey could feel a smirk rising on his face. _Where is your escort?_

_I had to see this view. Can you see?_

"Oh yes, I can." Kylo's presence suddenly felt extremely close, the weight expanded in her head and gave her a headache. She brought a hand to her temple and turned. Kylo was there with his arms crossed on his chest, 30 feet away. He was leaning against a scrapped engine, his legs outstretched and ankles crossed. He looked stern but playfully so.

"How-how long have you been watching me?" Rey sputtered.

"Long enough to realize why, it's a sauna in here." He pushed off the engine and walked toward her. His hair had been released from the bun at some point in the day, leaving soft curls rolling down his neck and into his face at times. He faced the forest and stood at attention next to Rey.

_You shouldn't abuse the Force you know, that a bad habit._

Rey scoffed outwardly. _Like what we are doing right now? Speaking to each other through the bond when we could just talk out loud._

_We both know this is… different._

That word hung between them for a few seconds. The Force was creating a gravity pull between them, swelling more and more every second they savored the bond this close. Things began to go mute again, Rey's ear ringing with silence.

Kylo broke first, turning towards her, expressionless. _I want to be as close to you as possible before we go back to the villa._

Rey frowned visibly. _You told me that we'd work on it together._

_We will. Not anything like last night. Baby steps._

Rey pushed farther into Kylo's mind and swam in the richness of his conflict. If it was going to be a while before this could happen again, she was going to revel.

Kylo spoke out loud, breaking her euphoria and spilling her out of his brain. Rey couldn't help but feel like it was purposeful.

"How was breakfast?"

Hidden meaning behind that question was obvious to Rey and she refused to take the bait and appease him.

"Oh, it was fine. Rose has a thing for Finn but Finn has no idea and it's so obvious, I cannot believe-"

"How is my mother?"

The absence of passivity in the question struck Rey hard. "She is, uh… she's good."

"She refused to come to the leader's meeting. She sent Haldo." The flat line of his voice did not leak with any sadness or aggravation. Rey tried to read him but he wouldn't budge.

"No matter… treaties are in the works. I have signed my part. The rebels are to be exiled here infinitely and the First Order will give them their peace."

"As long as I stay with you." Rey could barely hold it back; she didn't really mean to speak it out loud. Kylo's eyebrows furrowed.

_Rey, this is for you. You chose this._

Kylo was back, tenderly satisfying her need for him in the back of her mind. Rey breathed shakily.

_I know, I just… can't help but think what you would have done had I not chosen this way._

He stiffened and Rey turned her eyes to him. His jaw was tightened and his eyes were locked in the distance. A grief grew from Kylo and stemmed into her brain.

_I don't want to think about that._

Rey couldn't help herself; she turned fully to Kylo and stepped closer to him.

_You would have killed me? The resistance? Your mother?_

His eyes flashed with rage, turning a light shade of amber as he squared himself to Rey and towered over her. Rey could feel his darkness that he had so adamantly kept from her spilling out and attaching itself to her.

"So what if I would have?" He snarled through clenched teeth. "I would have just been fulfilling the prophecy that you and I already accepted, that I'm a _monster."_ He emphasized the word, cutting through Rey.

"But you aren't! You know you aren't! You could have easily taken my hand in the throne room and just killed me right then, you had my trust, you had the resistance in the palm of your hand and you _chose_ to have mercy." Rey poked the center of his chest and with two of her fingers. "Do _not_ tell me that a monster would have chosen that path."

Kylo was seething. He swatted her hand away from his chest and began to pace back towards the engine, running his fingers through his tousled hair. His anger was subsiding but his frustration and agitation was fuming from every orifice.

He finally turned after several deep breaths and pointed at Rey, his jaw quivering with the aftershock of his anger.

"You think you know me, you think you have it all figured out. You don't know a thing, scavenger." His insentient jab slapped Rey pointedly across her face and she shook her head, trying to empty him from her head. The darkness was beginning to tear at the depths of her brain and she was going fuzzy.

_Get. Out. Of. My. Head._

He took several calculated steps toward Rey and took her shoulders in either hands. He withdrew slowly from the invasion and scoffed.

"You are impossible, you know that?" Rey wriggled herself free of his grasp, aggravated at his sudden kindness.

"If you think I know so little, teach me. Let me learn you. Then there won't be so much mystery between you and I. Seeing as you know everything you need to know about me."

To her surprise, Kylo nodded after a few long, pensive moments. "Fine. Tonight. We'll start tonight."

Rey hid her enthusiasm at the thought of being with Kylo all night, learning about the Force and _him…_

"I have several things to do before I return back to the villa. I am sending you back with a few stormtroopers." He held up a condescending finger in Rey's face. "Do not use the Force on them, promise me."

Rey sneeringly rolled her eyes and whispered, "Fine, whatever you say."

As she entered the command shuttle with her trope of stormtroopers, Rey could have sworn he saw a hint of a mischievous smile on Kylo's lips and a quick wink as the ramp closed.


	10. Subtle Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alone with me, tell me now, tell me now these private things you never speak."

When Rey was dropped back at the villa, she had no idea what to do. Wait for Kylo to come back with baited breath? Lay naked on the balcony to get some sun on her pale body? Several staff members met her at the door and bowed.

"Thank you." She bowed back quickly, to the staff's surprise, and began to walk back towards to the bedroom.

"Ahem, Lady Rey?" a stout man coughed lightly. Rey turned around, wondering if she had heard correctly. "Yes, Lady Rey…" Yep, no mistakes, this guy had called her a lady. "Sir Kylo has asked me to direct you to prepare for dinner on the dining balcony this evening. He will be back in just a few hours time."

Rey, amused, looked down and gestured at her tunic and pants. "This not good enough for his highness?"

Caught off guard, the man sputtered and stumbled over his words. "Um, yes, ma'am, Lady Rey, Sir Kylo made it seem as if tonight would be a, uh, more formal affair."

Rey tilted her head up to the ceiling and sighed, exasperated. She had been looking forward to the training tonight, getting to know the real Ben Solo and his past, not a stuffy dinner between acquaintances.

She nodded, thanking the staff. A young, mousy girl approached Rey timidly. "Lady Rey, I will help you with your hair and face for the night."

Rey spat back in defense, unable to hold back her offense. "What's wrong with them?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. Its just Sir Kylo requested I help you…" She was obviously taken aback at her defensive. Rey sighed apologetically.

"I'm sorry. Just let me get myself together and you can help with whatever our dear Sir Kylo has asked you to." She could hardly hold back the sarcasm in her voice.

The small girl smiled and bowed. "I have placed Kylo's requested outfit on your dresser. I hope you find it to your liking." The girl leaned in close and her grin spread wider. "If you ask me, Lady Rey, you are going to look radiant!"

The girl continued to beam as she scurried away to the kitchen.

Rey began to walk toward her bedroom. She pressed her mind out, seeing if she could even possibly reach Kylo at this distance. Silence. She could sense his general aura if she real tried but no luck figuring out what he was up to.

As she entered the bedroom, she immediately shed the stiff tunic and pants, allowing her naked body to stretch sideways and up and over. Everything she had been limited to doing in the impractical outfit. She reached the dresser and spotted the large box situated on the dresser.

She snarled to herself and refused to look and see what monstrosity Kylo had picked for her. She searched in the drawers and found some black shorts and a thick chest wrap. How could he know her so well to know that she needed a chest wrap and not well enough to know she would detest the white tunic?

She wrapped her tiny chest, as if she needed to, and pulled on the shorts. She remembered Kylo's cloak as the curtains blew into the bedroom and a chill ran down her near-bare body. She draped it around her shoulders and she breathed it in, searching for his scent.

She wandered out on to the shadowed balcony. The sun was not as strong here, the trees shielding and absorbing some of the sting the rays bore. She opened her mind once more, pushing it harder, aching for Kylo to return. It was as if he was meeting her halfway.

_Rey?_

Rey laughed, surprised at herself.

_Ben. Are you there?_

_Yes, but this won't hold, you aren't strong enough to control this far of a bond._

_We were on different planets when we were bonded before, don't tell me I can't hold it._

_Ah, but we did not control those bonds._

Rey begrudgingly accepted and understood he was right. He was beginning to break away.

 _Just checking in._ Her heart picked up a beat as she realized he was worried for her, making sure she was safe at the villa. She could feel him looking her up and down. _While I love this look on you, I would rather you change into what I picked for you._

 _Make me._ Rey chided

 _Don't tempt me._ He left her head echoing with his acceptance of her challenge and her core hot from his tone.

* * *

"No. Way." Rey shook her head adamantly at the staff girl, who she found was named Sora. "You cannot put _makeup_ on me. The hair was enough."

Rey was sitting on a tall wooden stool in front of the full-length mirror in her bedroom. Sora stood, deflated, leaned against the dresser. "Lady Rey, please allow me to fulfill Sir Kylo's wishes." Her eyes begged Rey.

Rey sighed, completely dispirited. "Fine, do what you need to do."

As Sora began to work her deft hands eagerly, transforming her face as she had already done her hair.

Rey could not believe that Kylo had requested this. Her hair was simple, yet delicately and intricately designed. It laid in simple soft curls down her back with what looked like hundreds of thin braids weaving to a small, loose bun at the crown of her head. Sora had picked some tiny, white wild flowers native to Naboo and placed them expertly throughout her hair. Rey had to give kudos to her for being so detailed.

"There! Time to slip into the dress of yours." Sora whisked away to grab the dress that she had hung up against a hook on the far wall. Rey's stomach turned.

Rey stared at herself in the mirror to distract herself from the impending doom that was "slipping into that dress of hers". Who was she? She looked downright _delicate._ Her eyes were hooded with light shadows and dark liners. Her brows lay perfectly and were filled in, giving her face definition. Where there were once imperfections, Sora had buffed and powdered over. Her chin and jaw looked more pronounced, especially when she leaned forward and nervously swallowed.

"You're a miracle worker, Sora." She turned in her seat, afraid to rise, knowing that meant that it would be time to dress.

Sora held the wooden hanger above her head in order to keep the floor length gown from brushing the floor. The evening sun trickling in from the curtain danced over the thin, yet substantial dark navy fabric. Rey made it a point not to dwell on the high slit that traveled up the left side of the skirt. The halter bodice had a plunging neckline, almost down to her belly button, with a matching plunge in the back. The bodice cinched at her hips and the skirt flowed down, down, down, the slit running up her leg, making Rey more nervous by the second.

Sora grabbed the sandals and began to tie them up Rey's leg. "We'll start you off small," Sora had said when she replaced the strappy toothpicks that Kylo had mistaken for shoes when picking her outfit.

After tweaking her hair and patting her face once more with a puff, Sora clapped her hands together. "There." She spun Rey around to look in the mirror. "Perfection."

Rey was taken aback. The dress was beautiful, however impractical, and she couldn't help but twirl once, admiring Sora's handiwork and the dress that seemed to be made just for her. She looked like a princess. Her stomach rolled once more at the thought of looking even halfway _pretty…_ then she realized this was for Kylo. She grinned to herself, forgetting that Sora was in the room, thoughts of all sorts wondering to him…

"Dinner will be served shortly." The stout man poked his head in the door, pulling Rey from her trance. She collected herself, looking in the mirror once more, and turned on her heels to exit the bedroom, Sora hot on her heels.

* * *

Kylo had been surprisingly silent in her head after he came back from Theed. He made his presence known while Sora was braiding sections of her hair, leaning into her headspace. Before she had the chance to respond or pull him in deeper like she so wished she could, he interjected.

_Can't wait to see you._

And he pulled away, leaving her desire sparked and stoking.

Now, as she stepped onto the dining balcony to meet Kylo, she could feel his restraint pressing against her mind. He was dressed in a black suit - what else did she expect, really? – and his dark hair slicked back.

He was leaning casually against the railing until Rey stepped near and he popped up quickly, straightening himself, his eyes running up and down Rey, hungrily. The awkward stumbling mixed with the longing stare and sharp dress drove Rey insane. She was pushing at his doors, begging for him to let her in. She knew he was trying hard not to.

She strode slowly across the balcony to him. "Give in, Ben." He visibly shivered at the sound of Rey's voice wrapping around his name.

Kylo closed the distance between them quickly. Rey's throat had turned to linen. The Force arched and cascaded between them, imploring them to move forward, to close the gap. He hesitated for several seconds before taking her hand in both of his and bringing it to his lips.

"Not yet." He tantalized before kissing her fingers gently. "You are ravishing." His mind was racing, Rey could feel it, even at the fringes of his headspace. Her head even felt fuzzy and high from the inflection in his tone.

She challenged him, projecting her voice into his thoughts. _What are you thinking?_

He shook his head and widened his eyes to look her up and down once more, a roguish smile creeping onto his lips. He bit his lip. "Oh, you don't want to know."

Rey swallowed hard and parted her lips, willing him to share all the things that were rolling through his mind.

He final tore his eyes away from her after what seemed like ages. He gestured toward the glass dinner table, laid out with a mountain of delicacies, fruit and vegetables sprawled over heaps of unusual meats, even sweets that looked alive. He led her to her chair and placed her gently at the opposite head of his chair.

Rey crossed her legs at the legs like she had seen other, more refined women do at one point. Kylo's eyes caught the movement through the glass and he fixed his stare at the length of thigh that had been exposed. His head began to pulse outwards and he audibly gasped. Realizing what she had done and what Kylo was looking at, she quickly uncrossed her legs and looked around, coughing quietly.

Kylo collected himself and pulled himself away to sit in his chair.

"So, where are we going to start?" Rey piped up, finding strength returning back into her throat.

Kylo brought his hand to a musing spot on his chin and leaned back in the chair. "Where would you like to start?"

Rey considered this, not realizing she would have a choice in any of these matters. "I want to know about Vader. You wouldn't be sitting where you are without him." And Rey wouldn't have a hollow mind at the moment if it weren't for him.

Kylo swallowed hard and wiggled his chin as he began. "My grandfather was born immaculately on Tattooine as Anakin Skywalker. He was discovered in early childhood by the Jedi and brought up as a knight. He met my grandmother, Padme and the fell madly in love here on Naboo against all rules and allegiances they had. They got married…" Kylo turned and point directly behind him another corner of the balcony, "right over there."

Rey nodded and shuddered, remembering and now recognizing the deep darkness that filled her brain last night. "And then they got pregnant with Luke and… my mother. Anakin was being seduced by a Sith lord and eventually gave in, giving up everything, destroying everything, to save my grandmother, who he was having premonitions of her impeding death in childbirth. She did end up dying shortly after his turning to the dark side and he became Darth Vader. The rest is quite literally in the history books."

Kylo barely took a breath while telling the story. He shrugged and leaned forward in his seat. "Any questions?"

Rey shook her head as Sora and the other staff began to fill Rey and Kylo's plates, placing them in front of them. Then, Rey couldn't begin to decide where to start, so many thoughts pacing back and forth in her brain. She thoughtlessly picked at spots on her plate as she cycled though questions.

"Did he never stop to consider the fact that his darkness may be the thing that would do Padme in?" Rey twirled an orange vegetable in the air, exasperated. "Also, how did the Jedi's not sense the darkness in him before recruiting him?"

"Like I said last night, his love became his darkness. He drew all his energy, good and bad, from his love for Padme. It destroyed him. It wasn't always bad. He was supposed to be the Chosen One to bring balance to the Force. But he couldn't live without her and it just spiraled…" His voice grew quieter and it seemed as if he was lost inside himself.

"Ben?" Rey felt like she could read his mind and, for once, she was scared and unwilling to.

He shook himself and nodded. "I just… our story is the same."

Rey tilted her head, questioning and accepting all at the same time. She understood, but didn't want to. She closed her eyes as the Force quivered with energy, realization filling the space.

"Yes, but backwards." Kylo laughed, staring across the table at Rey, intently. "Snoke said it himself, 'Darkness rises and light, to meet it', right? _We_ are the balance."

Rey caught her breath in her throat. _We_. The heat that she had felt so softly earlier was being fueled. It spread to the confines of her heart and her pulse quickened.

"Rey, Vader's love was his downfall and I think mine is my gain. My love is becoming my light." His face softened as he gazed across the table, softness and warmth spreading across the Force to Rey, enveloping her. A tear sank down her cheek. "Rey, this is the new order, I was talking about. You and I, bringing balance."

Rey couldn't speak. His _love_. He loved her. He had told her without saying it. Her heart swelled with pure euphoria and liberation as warmth washed throughout her body.

Kylo was still lost in thought, inside himself.

Suddenly, his dark eyes fell back to Rey's. The Force slammed down onto Rey. The birds chirping in the background, the staff rummaging and talking inside, the lake water crashing against the cliff faces… all mute. Rey couldn't tear her eyes from him.

"Rey." His ravenous expression was back. "I want to try to control it with you, mix the dark and the light."

Consciousness struck Rey like a gong and the Force seemed to be growing violent with yearning, as did her own desire. "I thought you said baby steps."

He shook his head definitively. He rose from his seat and made his way slowly to the frozen Rey. She looked up at Kylo, petrified. The setting sun cast shadows through the tress and onto Kylo's scarred, pleading face.

"I promise, I will keep you safe, Rey." He held out his hand to her and he parted his lips. "Please."

* * *

 

[Inspiration for Rey's dress](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB196tgIVXXXXc2XXXXq6xXFXXXc/Sexy-Red-Celebrity-Dresses-Chiffon-Pleat-Halter-Deep-V-Neck-Long-Celebrity-Dress-With-High-Slit.jpg)

[Inspiration for Kylo's outfit](http://onpointfresh.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/95559ca9a79f7da23522cb702e5eb2e8.jpg)

 


	11. Dark Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, I swim in a violet sea but I’m bending the light connecting you to me. So write a ‘lettre de marque’ and see if this dark matter heart can bleed out right."

With one shaky breath, Rey rose from the chair and placed her steady hand in his, realizing that she had no other desire in her but this. The corners of her mouth upturned slightly as she felt the Force vibrate in a sort of celebration at their touch. Kylo raised a hand at the staff and they began to scurry off. Sora caught Rey's eye and she grinned slightly in a knowing way.

Kylo led her by the hand hastily back to her bedroom. Rey's head was spinning with anticipation. Was this actually happening? Was he really going to let her in? Is this how she wanted this?

The curtains blew inwards softly; an indulgent breeze filled the room. Kylo slid the door shut. The silence grew as Rey stood, waiting. Kylo paced and ran his fingers through his slicked hair, a small piece falling into his stone face.

He was breathless when he turned suddenly to press Rey's shoulders against the cool stone, knocking her breath away. He ran his predatory eyes over her once more before he closed his eyes and entered her mind, effortlessly and with pleasure. Rey invited him in blissfully, rolling her eyes back and leaning her head against the rough stone. He filled her every corner, letting his black cover her white. Rey felt her skull grow heavy with the fullness of him. She gasped as she felt him begin to spread through her chest, penetrating her bounding heart and beating through her veins.

He leaned his firm body against Rey and slid his hands down to her ribs, his thumbs grasping under her breasts. He pulled at the plunge in her dress with his thumbs, willing it to come completely open. He dropped his head to her neck and breathed deeply before brushing his lips across her collarbone and curve of her neck.

The grey in her head was beginning to turn into a deeper shade. She felt like she was losing control and she didn't care. She invited the darkness in like an old friend.

 _Let go._ His desperate voice reverberated in her mind from the throne room and now with the hungry expression he spoke through her.

She released the grip she had on reality and slid deeper into his mind, falling, falling down… he gripped her sides harder and pushed her against the stone, her arms instinctively rising to clutch his shoulders.

 _Ben._ Her voice ricocheted off the dark walls of Kylo's mind. He called her name softly in the dusk of her head.

_padme_

The dark murmuring began to invade Rey's mind as her breaths hastened. She grew more and more frightened, pressing against Kylo, trying to get away, to escape the overwhelming darkness.

Then, inexplicably, the light began to rise. The black was turning more and more grey. The light seemed to be coming from…

Kylo bit Rey lightly on the curve of her neck and an uninhibited sigh rose from her throat. The light was churning, breaking up the black in their minds. Rey could feel the whites of her eyes returning and she took Kylo's face in her hands, raising it to meet hers.

 _Is that you?_ Her voice shook, however possible, in her head.

 _I-I could feel it beginning to control you. So I pulled you back._ His eyes had transformed into an ocean. Rey's heart seemed to press through her chest, reaching out for him as her love for him spilled over. The Force was crashing all around them, like they were lost in an angry sea.

She couldn't believe she was doing this, for the second time. She began to push herself forward, letting it all go with reckless abandon, when Kylo met her halfway. Their lips met deliberately and with purpose, moving against each other like waves. Kylo parted his bruising lips, searching inside her cheek. He gripped her sides harder to the point Rey knew his handprints would be there forever. Rey wrapped her arms around Kylo's neck and pulled herself in, feeling herself lift of the ground with barely any effort. Her head spun with the weightlessness that the light brought.

Without thinking, she wrapped her lithe legs around Kylo's hips, thanking the gods for the high slit in her dress for the first time. Her head hovered above his for once and she gazed ardently down at his worshiping face. His head was filled with uninhibited visions of Rey, only Rey. The day was spilling out of her, cascading into his night.

_Show me what you were thinking about at dinner._

She leaned in once again, leveraging herself against the back of his neck and kissed him fervently and breathlessly. He devoured her, twisting his arms up her back, more and more voracious with every surge of the kiss.

Abruptly, he pulled back. Rey didn't have a chance to question him before she was falling onto the middle of the bed. She lay helpless, as she watched Kylo loosen and remove his tie. He shed his jacket with ease, tracing the lines of her twilight-lit body with his eyes as he carefully unbuttoned his shirt. Rey sat up on her forearms and popped her leg out of the slit and smiled.

"My turn." She spoke for the first time, startling Kylo, but sending him into a frenzy. He hurriedly, but expertly, removed her sandals, every touch he left on her calf burning. His fingers moved adroitly and she couldn't hold back a deep sigh as she let her head fall back, reveling in the heat.

His fingertips were gliding up and down her smooth legs – thank the gods that Sora convinced her that they must be shaved with the dress. He was kneeling on the bed now, his waist meeting her closed, bent knees. He placed his hands on either knee and smirked demonically as he pushed them open and pulled her hips toward him.

He ran his fingers along her thighs, going further and further with each pace. Rey's breath grew haggard as her need for him spread across her entire body, from the tip of her toes to the top of her head. She could feel core reaching molten temperatures and was sure that her dams would burst if not dealt with soon.

Kylo sensed her desire clearly in her head and moved his hands up her hips, to her waist. He tugged softly at one of the straps of her dress down her shoulder and off her arm. Her breast was revealed, tight and aching for him. She knew that she would have been embarrassed in any other situation but she had no inkling of gracelessness in her heated body. She allowed him to pull the other strap off identically and she fell back on the bed, chest completely exposed, just knowing he could see her heart physically beating out of it.

Kylo's eye widened with every passing moment, seemingly forgetting how to breathe. His mind, once filled with similar visions of Rey in this exact spot in so many different ways… had gone blank and could only fit this one reality. Rey prompted him by taking one of his hands and covered her breast with it. The heat from his hands surprised her and made her shake. Her eyes fluttered closed as Kylo found himself again.

He leaned down and kissed her sternum lightly between her breasts, taking the other in his hand and clinging on, finding his rhythm. He took one of her trembling nipples in in mouth, staring up at Rey for confirmation as she moaned in ecstasy. He bit and pulled with his lips as she writhed beneath him, moaning his name over the bond.

_Ben._

_Again._ He switched breasts and began to suck harder, wrapping his arms under her back and pulling her chest up to meet his mouth.

_Ben. Ben. Ben._

Rey felt like she was going to pass out from the high he was pushing her to when he let go and traced kisses up her chest and to her neck and across her cheek. He left one kiss on her panting lips as he effortlessly flipped her over onto her stomach, revealing her bare back.

His hands scratched down her back to the clasps of the dress, all that was holding her in. He leaned down and kissed the small of her back, right above the clasps as he began to undo them. Rey grabbed fistfuls of the quilt and sheets, willing herself not to moan too loud.

"You want to know why I picked this dress?" Kylo spoke as he kissed up and down her back, leaving scars, it seemed. Rey shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"Because I knew it would look the best while I was taking it off of you." Rey shivered at his boldness as he pulled the dress off her waist, past her hips and around her butt. Rey heard the dress hit the floor and Kylo's breath quiver.

She was laying, face down, wholly naked in front of the Supreme Leader of the First Order, commander of the galaxy, Jedi Killer…

She looked back at Kylo, who had fallen to sit on his heels. His hands were rubbing the tops of his thighs and he was looking down at Rey's body, contemplating. He seemed to be restraining himself, trying to steady his breathing.

 _I don't want to hurt you._ He answered before Rey could ask, quite literally reading her mind.

Rey flipped herself around and came to kneeling position before him. _You won't. You know you won't._

He rose and loomed over Rey, cupping her face in her hands.

 _You want this?_ An entreating expression played out on his face. _I know I want this but… do you?_

Rey rose and gazed lovingly up into Kylo's eyes. _A just a short time ago, you told me you could take whatever you wanted._ When this did not raise even a smile from Kylo, she nodded enthusiastically. _Yes, you must know this is what I want._

Before he had the chance to answer or fight her approval, she reached down to Kylo's waistband, still staring up at him. While she was unimaginably nervous and inexperienced in this sort of thing, Kylo made her feel confident, like a goddess. Her touch melted his pleading face and he sighed, open mouthed and leaned into her neck.

Rey pushed both hands down, past his waistband and scratched at his hipbones. He breath hitched and he squirmed slightly.

Rey swallowed hard, willing herself to do what she knew she ached for. Pushing farther, she wrapped a hand around his cock, breathless in surprise. Rey wasn't sure what she expected, but Kylo was _big._ Big enough to make her understand his worry in hurting her. Rey had never been with anyone, never even thought much about sex or men in that way. Now, kneeling on this bed in a lakeside villa on Naboo with Ben seemed to be exactly what she never knew she was waiting for.

Kylo gripped Rey's biceps and groaned into her neck. _Yes, Rey…_

She started to stroke, the movement coming naturally to her as she turned her head into Kylo's mane and breathed his scent. Her headspace was being filled with hunger, stemming deep from her core, a wetness brewing between her legs.

Kylo pulled his head up and connected their foreheads. "Rey, let me fuck you." The confidence in his words took Rey aback but also made her want him harder. She nodded and kissed him squarely, resolutely wanting nothing more.

Kylo wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her up to his lap, and slipped one hand under her ass, laying her back down on the bed in one quick movement. He knelt over Rey, undoing his pants and pulling them off effortlessly.

Rey's instincts were right; he was so big. She suddenly felt a rush of nervousness as she splayed her knees apart and felt the cold air on her wet core, realizing that this was it.

Suddenly he was all she knew. Her mind quieted and stilled as the Force tensed, anticipating the joining.

 _Don't be afraid._ Kylo's eyes locked with hers as he lowered his cock down to her opening. He hesitated and took a deep breath, inching himself into her.

Rey couldn't believe the pain or the joy she felt. The tearing, searing pain mixed with luxurious delight. She moaned and arched her back in strangled ecstasy. Their minds were turning an even shade of grey now, each other's vision blurred with the fever they were giving each other.

Her hands grappled the air toward Kylo until he fell to meet them, hovering over her. She dug her fingernails into his chest. Her mouth opened to say his name but she was silenced but the sudden thrust of Kylo hips, pressing himself deeper and deeper inside her. She breathed sharply, unable to think straight thoughts, knowing that if the dark memories invaded her mind again, the light violently surging between them would dilute them away.

Kylo wrapped an arm around her hips, bringing them up to meet him with every thrust. His breath was turning grossly jagged and soft moans escaped his lips.

 _Rey, I love you._ It was barely even a breath in her mind, a faint whisper in the back of her headspace, but there nonetheless.

Rey pulled herself up on her forearms and up to her hands, Kylo still slowly pumping into her. Kylo brought his forehead to meet hers and she closed her eyes, basking in the gratifying sensation of being completely, in every way, full with this man who loved her.

_I love you, Ben._

Kylo pulled her abruptly up into his lap and lowered her back down to her place on top of him and she bucked her head back, not realizing that he could go so deep inside of her. She wrapped her legs around his hips and began to move in a rhythm that seemed to come from the gods.

_Say it again._

_I love you._

He dug his fingers into her ass, facilitating her movement. He growled, a deep animal sound, and leaned his head into her chest, leaving burning kisses along her breasts.

Rey moaned his name, unrestrained. He gripped his way up to her waist and pulled her off of him. Rey yelped as he flipped her roughly back to her stomach. He grabbed her hips and pulled them up and back to him, pressing her head and chest down to the bed.

He entered her gently, allowing her to savor every centimeter. She brought her arms above her head and gripped the pillows, seeking for something to stifle her groans. Kylo traced his palm down the middle of her back, pressing her chest down further. He thrust slowly and firmly, giving her everything with every push.

Rey felt like she was reaching the top of a cliff, about to topple off the edge. Kylo sensed her pulse quickening even more, her moans heightening, and he grabbed either side of her hips and thrust harder and faster.

Rey felt dizzy, her thoughts growing more and more jumbled, trying to find his form in her mind's din. Her core tightened and she brought her chest up, back-bending to rest the back of her head on his chest, pushing against him to meet his thrusts.

 _Ben, I think I…_ she couldn't finish her sentence as intense bliss began to ripple through her, building to a point.

"Cum for me."

Kylo's hot and ragged breath in her ear sent her over the cliff, an avalanche of passion and joy and fullness culminated to her climax. She cried his name outloud, unconsciously, and she collapsed back against Kylo's chest, reaching behind her to grasp at his hips to keep him exactly where he was. It felt as if the breath had been stolen from her and Kylo had taken it hostage. He turned her face up to him, kissing her with satisfaction playing on his mouth.

Rey, still mute from the shock, projected her voice through their intertwined minds.

_You're so-_

"Beautiful"Kylo interrupted, turning her around to face him, still kneeling. _I've never felt this way, Rey, I-_

It was Rey's turn for interrupting now. She flung her arms around his neck, pressing her lips against his. She explored the recesses of his mind, finding remaining desire and she fed upon it. Pushing him down to sit against the pillows and growing instinctively wild in need, she crawled to find herself situated above him.

Kylo looked shaken with surprise and… was that admiration? Pride? Rey smirked as she leaned down, taking his chin with her fingers and raising his eyes to meet hers. She lowered herself on top of him and let the electric current of emotion overtake her as she rode him. Hard. She was surprised and pleased even with herself as she stared into Kylo's weak eyes. They rolled into the back of his head and he lifted his arms to wrap around her waist.

Rey felt a surge through Kylo's mind, understanding and recognizing the feeling. _Are you going to cum for me, Ben?_ She pushed her hands against his chest, arching her back and letting Kylo guide her thrusts with his arms. His breath shuddered and he groaned loudly, as if to answer her. He grabbed her wrists and wrapped them behind her back. He pushed up to meet her as she moved onto him, undulating her hips in ways she could never have imagined they could.

All at once, Kylo filled her brain with his orgasm, allowing her to feel all of it. The pleasure, the releasing ache, the complex high clouding his vision and muting his hearing. He arched his own back and his eyes shut, his mouth parting in exhausted gasps.

Rey felt his cock convulse inside her, filing her with his cum. Rey couldn't think of a more perfect or strange feeling. She sighed, satisfied with herself and gazed down at the spent Kylo.

She brought herself off his cock, a surprised gasp escaping them both. Too exhausted to even think of doing anything else, Rey pulled the quilt up and over them and she laid next to him, unsure of how to navigate the post-coital cuddling.

"My gods, Rey…" Kylo breathed, still sitting in the same position she left him in. He lolled his tired head to smile widely at her, effortlessly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her up to his bare chest. He settled in, kissing the crown of her disheveled head and breathed deeply into her hair.

She carefully placed her hand on his chest and sank into his arms, closing her eyes.

"It's true, you know." Kylo mumbled into her hair, sleep dripping from the corners of his mouth. "I love you, I love you a million times over."

Rey's heart skipped a beat as she sighed shakily, feeling her mind being called to rest by Kylo's.

"I know."

She smiled once more before falling into sleep, their minds still bonded in a way that Rey just knew would never be able to be broken apart.


	12. Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But suddenly she's all I know, an old refrain."

"Good morning."

Rey's awakening was gentle, a light whisper into her still dreaming mind. She groaned softly, raising her hand to rub her eyes into opening.

She was met with Ben's sleepy eyes staring down at her. He was propped up on his elbow, a trace of a smirk playing across his bruised lips. His other hand was lightly tracing her arm.

Rey suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. She was completely naked and, though the quilt covered her, she felt awfully exposed. She impulsively grabbed at the top of the quilt to cover her bare chest.

"Don't be embarrassed, Rey." Kylo scooted closer to her and kissed her shoulder, her neck. "You are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen."

"How many creatures have you seen, Ben?" Rey cursed herself. None of her business! Why does her tongue slip so much when she is around him? His cheeks went slightly red and he raised his head.

"None that have mattered." He whispered after a short pause. "Only you."

Rey's cheeks matched Kylo's and she turned to burrow her face in her pillow. Kylo chuckled and wrapped a lazy arm around her. She realized that their mind was still loosely merged, stretched with the night's sleep, but still flowing together.

It had turned an even shade of grey, the passivity of it astounding Rey. In their minds, there were no loyalties, no expectations, no light and no dark. Just peace. Kylo must have felt Rey's sense of contentedness.

"Are you happy with yourself?" He murmured as he leaned in to kiss the crown of her head. His smell filled Rey's nostrils and gave her a lightheaded high.

"Should I be?"

"You released a light in me that I didn't realize I still had. Don't you feel it?"

Rey pondered the fluidity of the bond and smiled coyly into Kylo's neck, kissing softly, suggestively. "Oh, I feel it."

"Don't get yourself too worked up." He sat up in bed and stretched his arms up into the arm, revealing his rippling back muscles. Rey unexpectedly felt extremely hot as she fixated at his figure. She tore her eyes away and stared out at the lake. The sun must had been up for several hours, warm light poured into the curtains, leaving shadows across the sprawling bed and Kylo's scarred body.

"What time is it?"

"Breakfast!" Sora boomed into the room, a heaping tray of fruit and pastries and breads and spreads in hand. She laid it gingerly at the foot of the bed and winked at Rey as she exited, a keen look on her fresh face.

Kylo looked back at Rey and raised his eyebrows, amused. "I should give her a raise."

Rey laughed a full belly laugh and chucked a pillow at Kylo's face.

"Hey!" He swung back and tackled Rey, pinning her by the wrists on the bed, a childish grin spread across his face.

Rey struggled against him for several seconds until his sudden still expression came to her attention. He seemed to hesitate before he spoke. "I love you, Rey."

The sound of her name on his tongue, not even the sentiment, made her bones shake. She decided that she would never get used to him exclaiming his love and wallowed in the joy she felt. She raised her head off the bed to bring her lips to meet his, just for a second.

"But I do have to go to Theed for the day." He kissed her back briefly and hopped up and off the bed, completely naked. Rey marveled at his striking body in the shadowy sunlight, shadows from the curtains and tress bouncing off of him. He walked toward the refresher languidly and looked back at Rey, trouble in his eyes.

"Want to join me?" He entered the refresher and she heard the water in the shower turning on. She poked his head out of the door, eyebrows raised in expectation.

Rey bit her lip and grinned momentarily, stripping herself of the bedding and crawling out of bed to meet him at the refresher door, letting him pull her towards him and the warm embrace of the cleansing shower.

* * *

"Can I come with you?" Rey pleaded as they entered the command shuttle hand in hand to head to Theed. "You know that this all involves me, whether or not you want to admit it." She was in a similar outfit as the previous day, tight black pants with a flowing, layered tunic. Sora had obliged at Rey's request for her to braid her hair down her back while they snacked on the breakfast she had provided.

Kylo's lips were in a straight line as he sat her down delicately in a seat, strapping her in reminiscent of just two days ago. He sat in his own seat, pondering her words. Having the ever-present bond now, it was easier to understand the thoughts and the emotions going through his head. Confusion, protectiveness, pride, irritation…

"Are you embarrassed of me?" Rey prodded him to give her an answer.

"I'm not sure how the other… leaders will react to you standing by my side." He was careful and direct with his words, not meeting her eyes, staring out the pilot's window shield at the flashing Naboo.

"You're _the_ Supreme Leader. I would think that your minions would honor your choice of attendants."

"You don't understand, Rey. I have to at least act as if I am trying to further the First Order. I cannot be seen as colluding with the enemy if I am to reform-"

Rey waved her hand to silence him. "There's already so many rumors flying, even within the resistance, you honestly cannot believe that the Order doesn't take part." She shook her head and stared out the window shield, the approaching Theed on the horizon.

Kylo hesitated. "Rumors?"

Rey met his eyes quizzically, raising her eyebrows. "You haven't heard anything?"

"No, Rey. How would that conversation go with one of my storm troopers? 'Supreme Leader, I have been taking part in rumors within the Order about your sex and personal life, I just thought you'd like to know'" His hushed voiced rolled with heavy sarcasm.

Rey rolled her eyes dramatically. "What do you and your generals and captains even talk about? Anything besides rebel scum?"

Kylo tilted his head and stared at his shoes. "You wonder why I was so lonely." The past tense hung in the air between them and Rey's lip twitched.

The command shuttle slowed suddenly and began to enter the Theed hangar. A small sea of white troopers waited at the end, near the landing pad.

"Kylo, please. Bring me." She leaned forward and placed her hand on his knee. He sighed heavily and leaned forward to meet her eyes.

"But if this ends up a disaster…" He gave her a warning look and stood from his seat, unstrapping her and floating her up by the hand. Hesitation and fear was rolling through his mind, hardly being cloaked by the intimidation he was beginning to build up as a show for his people.

Rey took his hand and stepped toward him, placing a hand on his chest. "Everything will be perfect. This is just another step towards our goal."

"A _new_ order to the galaxy." Kylo whispered, his mind falling back to the throne room. He placed his hand over hers on his chest and found her eyes again. He nodded resolutely. "Okay. You can come. Just please watch your tongue and do seem more… prisoner-y, if you can."

The ramp was sliding open and Rey could hear stomping storm trooper boots. She stepped away from Kylo as the pilots stood and turned to salute their leader off.

Rey had a lurch in her stomach telling her that was not the first time that the pilots had their eyes and ears on them during the trip.

* * *

The storm troopers escorted Kylo and Rey through the streets of Theed's marketplace and to the Palace Plaza. The white buildings surrounding Rey glittered in the sun and made Rey feel like a spotlights were shining right onto her, declaring her presence to the whole of Theed, the resistance, and the Order.

She was situated in front of Kylo, who was comforting her in her head, feeling her feeling of transparency. _You're fine, Rey._

 _Easy for you to say. Everyone always watches you._ Rey balled her hands into fists and tried to relax her face as they trudged up the steps to the grand entrance of the palace. When Rey had gone into the dining room the previous day, she had entered and exited in a back way, unable to appreciate the splendor of the palace.

The navigated through the maze of the marble palace and approached a large arch into what seemed like a meeting room with a desk positioned at the end of the room, framed by a large two story window, and several seats placed around. At the chair behind the desk was a small, white-faced girl, younger than Rey, in an enormous black dress that seemed to completely engulf her. A large beaded and braided headdress sat upon her dark hair like a halo. Several hooded women, almost identical, stood directly behind the queen, their heads down and arms folded in their sleeves. The queen raised her chin as Kylo entered, leaving the storm troopers outside. Rey had heard many stories regarding he child queens of Naboo but she had never known how quite literal those stories were.

"Supreme Leader Ren." Her monotone surprised Rey, who stopped in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do.

In the chairs surrounding the desk were various Frist Order generals, captains, and lead engineers. Hux and Phasma, whose mask was removed to reveal a pale and surprisingly soft faced white haired woman, were sneering and whispering to each other, their eyes upon Rey. On the other side of the room were several Gungan and Naboo nobleman dressed in stately attire.

Rey gut wrenched when she turned slightly and her eyes landed upon Leia and Holdo, sitting close together and holding their heads tall and faces flat even while Rey could feel their despair at seeing Rey there, with Kylo.

Kylo nodded toward the girl. "Queen Meakal." Kylo placed a hand upon Rey's shoulder. "This is my rebel prisoner, Rey. She has been my personal informant to the resistance and has requested to be a part of the rest of the negotiations." His voice was not asking permission; his power over the queen was evident.

The queen's red striped lips straightened and her eyes narrowed, looking Rey up and down. "Very well. Take your seat."

Kylo turned and Rey could feel his heart skip a beat as his eyes quickly met his mother's and walked past her. Kylo sat her down in his seat, directly acorss the room from Leia. He stood behind Rey, his arms crossing tightly across his chest.

_Why is she here? Did you ask her to be here?_

_Kylo, you know I couldn't have done that._ He was seething, longing with hints of anger splashing against the walls of his mind.

"We left off yesterday with Ren signing the treaty. Admiral Holdo, General Organa, I believe that we were in… disagreement on the terms of exile." Queen Meakal turned her head toward the resistance leaders.

Holdo's eyes jerked to Rey's, tenacity dripping from them. "We have decided to sign the treaty with one condition."

Kylo's hands came down the back of the chair and gripped it tightly. Rey turned slightly to see Kylo's eyes impressed upon Leia's. She was very obviously pleading, flicking her eyes between him and Rey. They seemed to be locked in a sort of bond that Kylo had blocked Rey out of. His jaw clenched and he swallowed, his eye twitching slightly.

"And that would be?" Hux interjected, leaning apathetically back in his seat.

"The First Order supply us with air ships and carriers with a permit to travel within the Naboo system, not just on the planet."

"Outrageous." Phasma exclaimed, a red expression of revulsion locked on Holdo. "You expect us to trust you scum with our Order ships to attempt to thwart us again? Who do you rebels think you are?" Absolute detest spat from Phasma, stinging Rey in the ribs.

"Done." Kylo spoke quietly but projected throughout the whole room. His eyes were still on his mother's, whose face had relaxed.

Hux and Phasma turned to Kylo, bewilderment spreading across their face. Hux found his voice as whispering began to break out between the Gungans and Order leaders. "Ren, you're giving them exactly what they want, what they need to turn against us."

Rey searched Kylo's head to figure out what Leia had gotten across to him. As she found it, a smile spread across her face.

"They can be contracted for the Order, transporting goods across Naboo worlds." Almost everyone turned to look at the previously silent Rey, spare for Leia, who was smirking at Queen Meakal. Kylo simply tilted his head at the queen.

"They have the First Order's support." He held his palm up to Force silence Hux as he began to interpose.

Queen Meakal turned to Leia and slid the treaty across the desk in her direction. "If this is your term, I approve. We just need your signature."

Leia strode over to the desk and slid her signature across the paper and returned to her seat, keeping her eyes at her feet and the same hidden smirk playing on her lips.

Hux and Phasma dramatically exited the room in a hurry, unable to meet Kylo or Rey's eyes, rage brewing behind their own.

The Gungans were adding their signature to the bottom of the treaty alongside Queen Meakal's when Rey, led by Kylo, rose from her seat and went for the exit, flanked by stormtroopers who had entered the room.

A faint, indistinct whisper in the back of her head, right at the point of the bond between her and Kylo rang out in their silence.

_Thank you._


	13. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Words have never been friends with the truth."

“You have a Force bond with _your mother_?” Rey whispered at Kylo as they walked through the cobbled avenues and alleys of Theed. The storm troopers had fallen away from them with a wave of Kylo’s all-powerful hand upon exiting the palace and Rey and Kylo had snuck down the shaded, quiet streets.

 

They walked side by side but Rey wished for nothing more than to grab his hand. Seeing him during the negotiations, so intent on aiding the resistance, made Rey feel a surge of gratitude for his changing heart. She knew that keeping up the prisoner/captor image was important to Kylo but, gods, did she want to hold him.

 

“I didn’t know until I felt her tugging at my brain today. Honestly, I had no idea she was Force-sensitive. Well…” Kylo’s eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. Rey felt his mind wander back to fuzzy, muted visions of a small child holding a woman’s hand, tears clouding his eyes. The woman’s voice was low and calming and Rey could sense her love, her undying devotion, for the child wash over him like an avalanche. Rey turned her face up to Kylo, smiling faintly.

 

“Oh, so you’re letting me in now?”

 

Kylo chuckled, a far away expression on his face, and shook his head, pressing Rey kindly, yet deliberately, out of the depths of his memories. His hand was lightly grazing her elbow, guiding her along the glittering streets in the hot mid-afternoon bake. Rey felt as if Kylo was leading her through a maze of street vendors. Luxurious, exotic fabrics to her right, rare and expensive delicacies to her left. She looked around, in wonder at the extraordinary lazy bustle of Theed.

 

Rey realized that she was following Kylo without objection or question and she found that to be unacceptable. “Where are we going?” she prodded in his mind, finding Leia’s garbled voice from the negotiation room, very obviously being hidden from her.

 

“You’ll see.” Rey found this equally unacceptable as her not asking any questions but an overwhelming sense of warmth overtook her and she yielded.

 

Rey imagined Kylo’s grandparents walking the same streets, the same paths as they were walking at this moment and a feeling of contentedness washed over her. She assumed that Han and Leia had been here at some time, too. She felt as if she belonged here in this city, with Ben, in a way that she had never belonged anywhere. A comforting tugging in the pit of her stomach distracted Rey the rest of the silent walk.

 

“We’re here.” They had stopped in front of a non-descript hole-in-the-wall building in a shaded alleyway off of the main street. Kylo knocked on the short wooden door three times after looking around the secluded and empty street once more. It immediately cracked open, revealing the only dark eyes Rey didn’t expect to see in this serendipitous moment.

 

“Finn!” She barreled through the doors and wrapped her arms around his neck. His breath seemed to be knocked out at Rey’s sudden assault and he fixed himself as he brought his arms around her waist and lifted her up.

 

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” He let her down and looked her up and down, relieved, before turning his eyes upon Kylo, who had entered the cool foyer and closed to door behind him. His eyes filled with a stifled anger.

 

“It’s okay, Finn, you know he’s with me.” Rey felt Kylo’s jealousy and aversion run green in his veins.

 

“General Leia instructed me to bring Rey to the resistance quarters.” Kylo piped up, he stood tall, hands behind his back, looking down at Finn. Oh. Rey slapped her forehead and sighed, understanding that the negotiations must not have been the only thing the general and Kylo were discussing.

 

“These are your quarters?” Rey looked around at the dark and cool entrance to the building, a long hallway seemed to contain several high doorway arches and a tall staircase at the end, light pouring from the top.

 

“I don’t care who told you to bring her, she can come and go as she pleases. Without escorts.”

 

“And how do you expect her to know how to get here without my assistance, FN? She is _my_ prisoner after all. Plus, I think you’ll find that Rey wants me around.” Rey rolled her eyes back at Kylo, kicking him in their minds. Her thoughts ran back to the conversation in the shuttle about her feelings for Finn, the same jealousy running through the Force and fueling his desire for her… Shivers ran down her arms at the blatant possession in his voice.

 

Finn visibly fumed. “The only reason I don’t knock your teeth out, Ren, is because I know Rey would feel it with your freaky bond thing.” His eyes narrowed and shot between Kylo and Rey, a visible distaste growing in his eyes towards her. Rey felt a sting in her heart, knowing that her best friend found the beautiful bond so horrible. “And my name is Finn.”

 

Kylo raised his hands in a mock surrender. “Whatever you say, trooper.”

 

Finn scoffed and shook his head in disbelief, taking Rey’s arm.

 

 _Now, now Ben…_ Rey gave him a scolding look as Finn began to lead her down the hallway, Kylo following behind them.

 

“Finn, let us explain what happened at the negotiations.”

 

The high arches led into spacious living quarters, cots and pallets laid with soft quilts not unlike the ones that Rey had just seen being sold in the streets. At least the First Order was allowing the resistance to be comfortable, as much as they could be.

 

“Not here. Up you go.”

 

Up the steep stairs they went to what seemed like a rooftop terrace, thick ivy growing up the pergola covering the expanse of it. The building was overlooking the edge of the cliff-side Theed was constructed off of. Gungan forest and swamps spread out as far as the eye could see up into the horizon.

 

Several resistance pilots and fighters milled about, relaxing in chairs and on mats and lazing around the sheltered veranda. Seeing Rey and Finn, they all called out detached welcoming hellos, but froze at the sight of the Jedi Killer walking up the stairs in their sanctuary.

 

 _You could_ attempt _at being less intimidating._

 

 _We’ll let them sweat while I still have that power._ Rey could feel him wink at her in their mind and she wanted to punch him but also jump his bones, right here in front of the resistance.

 

There was silence and an unease, the same unease Rey felt in the negotiations. The calm and peace and comfort felt when she was alone with Kylo had seeped away from her. She was out of place, unwanted, a betrayer. The people she had given it all for were staring at her with disloyalty and contempt. She yearned for Kylo to wrap his arms around her, to make her feel safe. The pit grew in her stomach, transforming from comforting to nauseating.

 

Rey instinctively grabbed Finn’s hand for familiarity and he squeezed it half-heartedly. He was trying, she could tell, but there was no denying the betrayal he felt at her bringing Kylo here. “Come on, Poe’s over here.”

 

Poe waved at Rey from his spot in the corner of the terrace with the most enthusiasm he could after catching eyes with Kylo. Embracing her quickly, he whispered in her ear, “Subtle, eh?”

 

“He’s helping us, Poe. Let us explain.” Poe’s mouth straightened and he nodded, giving knowing eyes to several resistance fighters following closely behind Kylo, watching and listening intently.

 

“I’ll give you 5 minutes.” Finn crossed his arms and leaned against the pergola, next to Poe, an expectant raise in his eyebrows.

 

“Kylo is allowing the rebels to pilot First Order transports to work for them within the Naboo system.”

 

“Woah, woah, hold on. I knew Leia was going to try to negotiate system privileges but she did _not_ mention working for the Order.” Poe waved his hand out as if he was searching for a meaning in this explanation.

 

“I didn’t think I was required to discuss my decisions for the resistance with you, Commander Dameron.” Leia’s voice always seemed to sneak up on Rey. Kylo’s mind went ice cold, chilling even Rey to the bone, and he put a shuddering hand on Rey’s shoulder to steady himself. His breath began to shudder.

 

Rey turned her head to see Leia walking toward them from the staircase, an aura of triumph surrounding her. Rey felt an odd sense of connection with her that she had never felt before. Something that seemed to root from Kylo’s side of their merged minds.

 

“The First Order will give us ships and we will pilot them as they command. And however else we seem fit.”

 

Leia found her place in front of Rey and Kylo, whose face had fallen to the ground, hand still glued to and gripping Rey’s shoulder. Rey brought a hand up to cover his as she met Leia’s kind eyes. A strong sense of accomplishment became evident within the Force surrounding them. Finn looked away and huffed, turning to look at the view. Poe exhaled and put his hands on his hips, staring, very obviously unconvinced, at Kylo.

 

“And we have my son to thank for all of this.” Many of the resistance fighters had begun to surround the group, listening intently on their leader.

 

Leia moved closer to Rey and Kylo, looking intently up at him. She seemed to want Kylo to address the crowd himself.

 

“It was all for her.” Kylo whispered just enough for Rey and Leia to hear. Who he was speaking of, Leia or herself, Rey could not distinguish. Not that it mattered.

 

Whispering had begun to scatter throughout the small crowd of resistance. Was it true? The Jedi Killer had helped the resistance? Kylo stood, shell-shocked in the presence of his mother. His mind was filled with only her. He had no words to speak out among the questioning rebels.

 

Rey felt a swell of pride for Kylo and she couldn’t take him not standing up for himself anymore. “He is trying to make change. He doesn’t want the rebels to win and he doesn’t want the Order to rule. He wants a _new_ order. He wants peace and coexistence. And that’s what he is trying to do by giving us these ships.” Rey turned her head to look up into Kylo’s lost eyes. The intimidating Supreme Leader was gone; a trembling boy was in his place. He found her eyes and his confidence grew instantaneously.

 

Leia beat Kylo to speak. “Kylo has agreed to give us the means for peace. Now I understand that the resistance began to undermine the First Order and the Empire… but those days are gone. With this exile and these negotiations, we have hope for peace. A new order, like Rey said.”

 

Poe had leaned his head back to sigh, closing his eyes and shaking his head in disbelief. Rey heard him mutter under his breath. Finn had turned back around to face them once again suddenly.

 

“Okay, fine.” Finn’s exclamation had quieted the growing inquiries from the stirring crowd of rebels. He strode towards them, Kylo’s head rising to meet Finn’s fiery eyes, the hungry faces of the entire rebel alliance gathered behind him.

 

“Tell us about this new order, Kylo Ren. What’s your plan?”


	14. I Need a Forest Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To burn it like cedar, I request another dream, I need a forest fire"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder, this story is rated explicit for a VERY SPECIFIC REASON and that reason is definitely in this chapter. Just a heads up.  
> I truly hope you all enjoy it! Leave me some kudos and a comment and tell me what you think. I love suggestions and critique so bring it on.

“I don’t think I ever expected these words to come out of my own mouth…” Finn lounged on his mat in one of the expansive bunkrooms below the terrace. “But I think Ren’s plan is a good one.” Rey was sitting contentedly, cross-legged and leaned against the wall, watching the rebels milling about. Poe and Leia whispered excitedly with their heads together at the archway into the room. Rose was shaking and rubbing her wet hair from a shower, eyes locked on Finn in that way that warmed Rey’s heart.

 

Rey’s eye lingered on Ben, her sweet Ben, leaned against the opposite corner, a hint of a curve on his lips as he looked around at the resistance. Her heart fluttered at his demure smile. A solid sense of accomplishment flowed between their minds, still surging with grey light. His demeanor had flipped from just several hours earlier. He was relaxed now, obviously not feeling the need to impose his intimidating self onto the rebels or Leia or even Rey… He looked like one of them without changing a thing.

 

Kylo had sat within a circle of rebels, eager ears and hungry eyes eating up all he had to say. Rey stood back with Leia, watching the positive reactions. “We apprehend the Supremacy.” Cheers. “We shut down the bridge.” Affirmations. “We eliminate the leadership.” Enthusiastic woops.

 

Leia had grabbed Rey’s arm and pulled her into a whisper. “You have no idea how important this is.”

 

Rey’s mouth upturned proudly as she caught Kylo’s bright eyes and he rolled on, laying down the groundwork on the overthrow of the First Order.

 

“Thanks to you, my girl.” Rey shook her head coyly and blushed. Leia squeezed her arm once more before letting go. “He was talking about you. Earlier. This is for you, you know.”

 

Sweet tears swelled in her tenacious eyes and her devotion for him overflowed in their minds. _I love you._

 

Now, sitting on the floor of the rebel quarters, Rey did not feel like a betrayer or an outsider. She was exactly where she needed to be. And so was Ben.

 

“Promise me you’ll come back soon.” Finn was suddenly very serious and he took Rey’s hand, reaching across the space between them.

 

“Oh, Finn, you know I will be.” She gripped his hand hard and stared into his saddened eyes. “We are just across the planet.”

 

“Are you sure that you will be on the planet very much longer? Doesn’t your boyfriend have to keep up the Supreme Leader act?” He was right, no matter the cringe Rey felt at the word “boyfriend”, and Rey had yet to think about leaving the resistance again. A surprising calm washed over her when the realization came to her that, yes, she’d be leaving the resistance once again but it would be with her faithful Ben at her side.

 

He called out to her softly in their minds, _Rey_ , and she lifted her head to see him striding towards them, Leia following.

 

“Time to go.” Kylo held out an inviting hand and Rey allowed him to pull her up, away from Finn’s grasp.

 

“We will be in touch.” Leia placed a departing hand on Rey’s shoulder and turned to her son.

 

“Ben…” She was at a loss for words, for the first time it seemed, and she watched Kylo hesitate as he leaned forward into his mother’s arms. He tucked his head on top of hers as he enveloped her with wide arms. Warmth spread across his mind, finding it’s way to Rey. Leia clutched around his waist, her face lost in his broad, black chest.

 

After what felt like a decade of lost years, they detached, wetness in both of their glassy eyes. Rey wrapped her arm around Kylo’s waist and led him, somewhat forcibly, away from the quarters, out the small door, and into the twilight of the shaded alleyway. 

* * *

 

“Do you think it’s going to work?” Rey’s bare back was leaned against Kylo’s equally bare chest, facing the moonlit mirror lake. They were sprawled on an outdoor couch of sorts, Rey lounging between Kylo’s legs. The villa was quiet, save for the occasionally gust of soft, warm wind that played against the curtains and leaves of the trees. Rey shivered, her naked body still rolling with ecstasy from the carnal moments before.

 

“Of course I think it’s going to work. I wouldn’t have gone against my entire being to suggest it if I didn’t.” He nuzzled his head in her neck, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer. Her shivers worsened and she gasped for air. She closed her eyes and leaned her head to kiss his occupied lips.

 

He twined his hands up through her hair and pulled the kiss closer, churning and boiling their grey connection. Images of Rey from the night before and just minutes ago flashed between them like sparks. Rey knew her entire body was turning red. Seeing the way he saw her, this goddess of sex, a beauty to behold…

 

Her mind turned to mush once again, only thinking about the one thing she could, and she flipped herself around straddle his lap, feeling him cross his legs to support her.

 

Rey leaned her head down to meet Kylo’s forehead. His deep eyes met hers and Rey bit her lip, knowing already that it drove him crazy. His hands traveled up and down her sides, her back, almost instinctively, a deep groan escaping his throat. All of Rey’s reservation from earlier that morning had dissolved and she felt like a force to be reckoned with, here on top of Ben.

 

He kissed her softly once more and let his lips linger at hers, tenderly gripping either side of her waist to pull her even closer.

 

_You’re worried about leaving, aren’t you?_

It would have been a lie if Rey had told herself that she was keeping her reservations about leaving Naboo away from Kylo. It was heavy on her mind since Finn had mentioned it but something denser was weighing down on her as they returned to the villa… Waves of pleasure rolled through her core as Kylo’s adept fingers found her clit and began to make slow circles. She felt his cock twitch hard between her legs and a whisper of a moan escaped her, hot on Kylo’s face.

 

_Ben…_

She was beginning to find herself expressing her ecstasy in her mind more and more, now that they were permanently connected. Less and less words were being said between them. Not that they needed words at all.

 

She arched her back and leaned her head back. His cock was rock hard, right outside of her, his hand quickening on her core.

 

 _Rey… talk to me._ Rey returned her gaze down at Kylo to find passionate, yet searching eyes. She furrowed her eyebrows and kissed his forehead, knowing she was purposefully avoiding the topic of discussion and Kylo was not having it.

 

“If you must know…” Rey kissed his cheek. “I am absolutely…” His nose. “Terrified.” His mouth.

 

He reciprocated the kiss, intensifying it, emptying all the solace he had into it.

 

 _I’ll keep you safe._ He abruptly rose from his seated position and laid Rey gently beneath him. Rey’s breath quickened and hitched as he hovered above her for several seconds, allowing his cock to find the outside of her pussy again, teasing her.

 

His eyes glinted with hunger and possession and Rey played upon it. _Please, Ben._

He obliged, sliding into her slowly, plunging into her with a rhythm that was becoming second nature and keeping his intense gaze glued to hers. Rey melted underneath his stare and her eyes rolled back into her head as her mouth fell open silently, impulsively.

 

She pressed her shoulders back and lifted her chest up, letting Kylo slide an arm under her back. He pulled her chest to his mouth, engulfing her entire breast. Electricity surged from his lips and sent shocks down Rey’s body, her core seemingly bursting into flames.

 

Rey wallowed in the depths of pleasure they were diving into. There was no worry to be found in them. Their minds grew increasingly more single-minded as their bodies moved with and against each other. Kylo’s groans and pants were sweet and full in Rey’s ears, pushing her farther and farther into the abyss.

 

_Cum._

 

Kylo’s breath quivered and he gasped at Rey’s demand, finding himself falling over the edge. He pulled Rey with him, the both of them breathless in climax and shaking like the leaves casting shadows from above them. The Force, the constant reminder of their joining, heaved and surged at the overwhelming sensation.

 

Rey wrapped her arms around him, willing him to stay within her as long as possible.

 

Time was standing still. The wind seemed to quiet and the lake, lightly undulating against the stone of the villa hillside, calmed. Kylo’s mind, coming down from the joyous high, suddenly became solemn. He rose from Rey, leaving her feeling utterly empty but full to the brim at the same time, and fell to his side, a troubled expression on his face. He faced Rey, his arm around her back, and pulled her in close to him.

 

“Ben?” Rey had not fully recovered from her orgasm and was finding it hard to concentrate on probing Kylo’s head. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I just-” He shook his head, closing his eyes and pursing his lips. “I want to protect you but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that with the First Order breathing down our necks.”

 

He lolled to his back, retracting his arm from her back and running his hands through his thick, tousled hair. Rey’s heart stung with the withdrawal, willing him to hold her again.

 

“It won’t be a problem for very much longer.” Rey hesitated, finding herself plummeting back to reality from her high. “Maybe we could stay here. Send the rest of the First Order away, let them play their little Order games. Without you.”

 

Kylo scoffed, amused, and tilted his head to meet Rey’s eyes. Disbelief rolled in them. “How would that look to Hux and Phasma and the rest of the leaders, Rey? Their supposed Supreme Leader playing sleepover with his rebel prisoner on Naboo while they went off and ruled the galaxy?” It stung; she knew he knew it. His eyes were hardening. She knew what was coming before he said it and she shook her head despondently.

 

“I think it will be best if you stay here with the rebels, in Theed. Technically, you’ve served your purpose, in the First Order’s eyes. You staying with me would just lead to more rumors and the resistance having to fight harder.” Kylo looked up at the full moon, obviously avoiding Rey’s imploring eyes.

 

“No, Ben, don’t do this.” Her voice could barely rise above a whisper, yet hung in the air with an echo. He rose to sit at the edge of the couch and, after a moment of consideration, he stood and pulled on his previously shed pants, staring out at the lake pensively. He turned to face Rey, expressionless.

 

“I’m doing this because I love you, Rey. This is how I’m going to keep you safe.” He walked quickly to her, leaned over couch to plant a small, longing kiss on her cheek and began to walk towards his bedroom. His. Not theirs.

 

Every movement away from her was a stab in the middle of Rey’s chest that she willed herself not to feel. Her anger shrouded her vision and the worst thing that came to mind spilled out of her.

 

“Don’t walk away from me like Han walked away from your mother.” Rey did not need raise her voice or turn to look at Kylo to know he hesitated at the archway into the villa. She felt pain violently boil in his belly.

 

At her plead, Kylo tugged hard at the joining of their minds, ripping at its seams. Despair rolled through her as he mercilessly separated their seemingly impenetrable bond. Eventually, all that was left of their grey union was Rey’s outstretched light, pining for Kylo’s dark.

 

She sprang back to herself as Kylo turned his mind away from her. She was alone, utterly void, and she allowed herself to succumb to the tears hiding behind her eyelids as she felt Kylo’s shape move through the villa and close the door to his bedroom, separating himself from her in more ways than one.


	15. Find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't stay but I can hardly breathe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy! I hope to have at least another, maybe more, up by the end of the week. Let me know what you think in a comment!

Rey felt darkness. Loneliness. The past few days with Kylo, she had truly forgotten the meaning of emptiness up until this point, sitting in the moonlight.

 

She had sought him out, knowing down in the depths of her soul that he was the only one who could fill the void her parents had left so long ago. She knew it in the cave, reaching out to her own reflection. She knew it as they touched hands for the first time in her hut. She knew it the first time they kissed on the Supremacy, and every time after that.

 

There was no other answer, no other explanation. Ben was it. He had said it himself. They were each other’s compliments, the rising darkness and lightness, destined to meet and come together.

 

As she wiped her tears once more off her wet cheek, she set her jaw and shook her head, emptying it as best she could of the image for Kylo walking away from her. She stood shakily and stared off into the glimmering lake, wondering if the ache in her mind would ever really subside. She collected her strewn clothing, trying to not allow her mind to wander to how his hands had been the ones to rip them off of her, and trekked the long way around the balconies to her bedroom.

 

She entered the shower, her mind a solid white, blank with her own white. No inkling of Kylo’s staining black. As the steaming water pelted her body, dripping down her lowered face, she searched for him, knowing he was so close. She felt his presence but the entrance to his mind was lost to her. He had completely shut her off, running away from her like a child.

 

And Rey was angry. Who did he think he was, leaving her like this? Giving her hope, leaving her empty, and for what? To keep her safe? To baby her like an endangered child? She scoffed to herself.

 

She slammed the shower off and quickly dried her body to dress in her own clothing, now laundered thanks to Sora. Rey’s eyes passed over Kylo’s cape, laid across the quilt, and the empty promises woven in it enraged her even more. Her decision was not even fleshed out in her mind as she crashed out of her room, alarming Sora, who was cleaning in the great room.

 

“Call a shuttle.” Rage spat from her like fire, hoping that Kylo would hear her.

 

If he was going to banish her from him, she had no desire to stay here, grounded in this villa. She was no child.

 

Two could play at the abandoning game. 

* * *

 

“Rey?” Finn was shocked to see the hooded Rey at the door of the resistance quarters. She thanked the gods that it had been Finn to be on watch. She entered without a greeting, lowering her hood. “What are you doing here? It’s so late.”

 

A small palace shuttle had arrived for Rey shortly after her command. Rey prayed that she would look back at the villa after walking up the short ramp to see Kylo coming after her, begging her to stay and come with him back to the Supremacy. Her hope was ridiculous, obviously. Even now, she wondered if Kylo or even storm troopers would barge in and steal her away.

 

“I’m staying here, Finn.” Rey could barely get the words out without her stomach turning inside out.

 

“Well, great!” Finn exclaimed excitedly. Confused at Rey’s still furious demeanor, he tilted his head and wondered out loud. “But… we need you on the inside. With Ren, on the Supremacy.”

 

“Not as much as the beloved Supreme Leader ‘wants to protect me’.” She couldn’t bring herself to say his name as she rolled her eyes and began walking to the bedrooms, hoping there was room for her next to Finn’s cot so she could at least have a feeling of friendship around her.

 

“Maybe this is for the best. I mean, we did get what we needed from Ren and your place is here. With us.” Rey’s conflict didn’t allow her to respond. Finn would never understand and she had to accept it.

 

Luckily, Finn’s cot was at the edge of the room, in a corner, which would allow Rey to unroll a small quilt on the ground next to Finn. She was not complaining, the modest accommodations were exactly opposite of what she had grown used to with Kylo and she praised the gods for it.

 

She tip-toed around the sleeping rebels, eying a snoring Poe and a sprawled out Rose. She was envious at their peace and serenity in their sleep. There was no way she could get any sleep tonight…

 

Finn lounged on his cot after helping Rey with her mat and propped up on an elbow to look at Rey with sleepy eyes. It was late, definitely nearer to morning than midnight.

 

“This is the right thing, Rey. You’ll see.”

 

Would she? Rey faked an encouraging smile and turned her back to Finn, feigning sleep, and waited until she felt Finn give in to his drowsiness. Finn was too good for her, so pure and good-hearted. Rey felt selfish for wanting more than him, more than she knew he could give her.

 

She looked over her shoulder to make sure he was snoring soundly and she rose, once again with her quilt in hand, walking toward the steep stairway in the hallway to the terrace.

 

The stairs creaked a little as she pattered up them. Rey wrapped the quilt around her shivering shoulders and try to tell herself the night chill was the only reason for this. She pushed open the ceiling door and crawled up the rooftop terrace. The waning moonlight and tender light from the growing sunrise shone through the pergola and the ivy, leaving melting shadows all around.

 

She tightened the quilt around her and stepped to the edge of the rooftop, peering out across the green land at the glowing horizon. He was probably getting up soon to leave the planet. Without her. Her sadness and resentment mixed furiously and seemed to project across the horizon, leaving her vision fuzzy.

 

 _How could you?_ His voice was soft, Rey could have sworn it was the wind. _You left without a goodbye._

 

Her breath caught in her throat like syrup and she tried to swallow down her surprise and relief. His shape was becoming slightly solid to her left and she refused to look, fixing her eyes on the sunrise. The bond felt unstable, like a child’s first steps.

 

 _You wanted me to stay here, that’s what I’m doing._ Rey was indignant, frustrated that he would reconnect to her this pathetic way, so soon after breaking their precious bond.

 

 _Not like this._ It was heavy, like he had to choke it out through all the emotion. Rey could feel him trying to move closer to her. She could practically feel his figure brushing her own. She cursed him; even his bond self could send tremors run down her spine.

 

Rey swallowed and shook her head, the tears threatening to spill over at any second. _Why are you here? You broke the bond, just leave it broken. Leave me alone, Kylo._

_I can’t._

 

“Rey?” The bond disappeared as Rey caught his hurt eyes turning around to see Leia striding towards her, visibly worried and unbelievably maternal.

 

“Sweet girl, I thought you left with Ben.” She placed a hand gingerly on Rey’s back. _Ben._ Rey’s tears were pooling in her tortured eyes as she met Leia’s kind face and she fell into her. Rey felt no force connection with Leia; it had stemmed from Ben’s side of the bond. She let Leia envelope her like Kylo had done to Leia just hours earlier.

 

“He’s leaving without me, Leia. He broke the bond.” Her thoughts came rushing out in a slurry of sobs and blubbers. Her tears soaked Leia’s shoulder and she patted Rey’s back and head, like Rey imagined her own mother might have. Like Leia probably did to Ben when he scrapped his knee or had his feelings hurt.

 

“Rey, child, it will not be forever.” Leia’s eyes were surprisingly and frustratingly hopeful when she pulled Rey away from the hold. “If he is anything like his father – which he is - he will always come back. It’s gonna hurt, but if it’s real – and I know it is, I felt it – he’ll be back.” She looked up into the rising sun and nodded, closing her faraway eyes. “I just know it.”

 

Rey stared in wonder at Leia. Mother of the man she loved. General and Princess all at once. Young soul in an aging body. Rey swelled with thankfulness for this woman. Rey knew that Leia felt like she had failed at motherhood with Ben but Rey couldn’t help but feel like she had succeeded more than most in the most roundabout way. Yes, he had turned to the Dark side, but the love and light he had inside of him did not start with Rey; it had lain dormant for years, unable to be stoked by the one woman who had fueled it even before Rey was born.

 

“Gods, I really hope so.” Rey stared out at the now brilliant horizon with Leia and grasped her hand, incapable of holding onto what felt like her last link to Ben. 

* * *

 

“Rey, they are leaving.” Finn was shaking Rey forcefully, awakening her from her already superficial sleep. She looked up at a rusty clock on the wall.

 

Leia had led Rey down from the rooftop just hours earlier and patted her shoulder with care before leaving her at the archway to her room. “Have hope, my dear.”

 

Rey pressed herself up from her mat, sleep still hanging in her eyes. “Already?”

 

“Well, you just happened to sleep until after midday so, yeah, already.” Poe quipped at her from across the room, combing his perfect hair in a mirror and winking at her through it.

 

“Oh shut it.” Rey rubbed her eyes and stretched her back. She rose from the mat and followed the procession to the roof. Leia was standing, conversing with Holdo and several rebel fighters in the deepest shade of the pergola. She smiled knowingly at Rey.

 

The bustling from the city was evident, even on the terrace. All around them, on the other rooftops, were hundreds of Naboo residents waiting to watch the First Order fleet leave their planet. Rey felt like she was the lone person in the city dreading the departure.

 

Rose caught Rey’s eye and waved at her enthusiastically. “Rey, hey!” Rey was annoyed at her enthusiasm but tried to meet her equally.

 

“Rose.” She seemed to sense Rey’s apprehension.

 

“Finn told me about what happened. I’m sorry. But I am really glad you are here with us. We need you, you know.” Rey nodded curtly, attempting to take Rose’s words and accept them the best she could. Trying to change the subject from the impending exodus of the Order and her not being with them, Rey turned to Finn, who was laughing boisterously at some banter between Poe.

 

“So when is that gonna happen?” Rose went red as a berry.

 

“Uh-well, I mean, Finn- he doesn’t, um, I think we are just friends, you know, really good friends!” The shaking in her voice gave her away.

 

“You better board that ship before it hits hyperspace, Rose.” Rey grinned and raised her eyebrows, teasing Rose as she stammered.

 

“Well, you know… until you told us that you and Ren were kinda together, I just assumed that Finn and you were an item.”

 

Rey threw her hands up in amused exasperation. “Finn, why does everyone think we are together?” She called out across the lively crowd of rebels. Many guffawed at her inquiry. Finn’s face drained of color and he tripped over his words.

 

“Us, together? Oh, please.” His unconvincing expression created more laughs.

 

“I cannot believe this, okay, how many of you thought Finn and I were together?” Immediately, half the crowd shot their hands up. Rey noted that Leia leaned against the railing, her hands firmly grasped around her drink glass and suddenly preoccupied with the ivy.

 

Rey laughed a full belly laugh. “You all are unbelievable, truly.” She walked to Finn and found her hand in his and smiled a real smile.

 

“Stop taking my hand, Rey!” He jabbed at Rey with his elbow and clapped his hand around her shoulder, his mouth spreading into a wide-toothed grin. Rey caught Rose’s eyes from afar and winked at her hopeful expression.

 

Rey was suddenly struck with an intense heat, right down the middle of her neck and back. She gasped, trying to hold her composure. She knew it was him.

 

_I really wish you’d leave me be._

_Yeah, me too._

The rooftop party around her went mute and he was there, in his Supreme Leader black all but feet from her. She couldn’t tell where he was, it was like their old bonds, just him. Finn’s arm remained around her, she could feel him conversing with the other rebels.

 

_Are we really back to the beginning, bonds we can’t control the timing of?_

Kylo ignored her remark. _You’ll be safe with them, admit it. Look at you, having the time of your life with them._

_Maybe I didn’t sign up for safe, Ben._

He shook his head in bewilderment. _I have no idea what I’d do without you, Rey._

_Yeah, well you’re going to learn._ The heat in the back of her head was intensifying to boiling temperatures. He was hesitating, words seeming to come to his mouth and him swallowing them immediately.

 

 _I’ll come back, sweetheart, I promise._ His dark figure turned and was gone. She was breathless as her world came back, ohs and ahs escaping everyone’s mouths as they pointed and craned their necks up to the now dotted sky. Rey blinked several times before realizing that her entire world was encapsulated in one of those dots and she had to watch, helplessly, as all of Naboo cheered it away.

 

As the last of the First Order ships flew into oblivion, she turned out of Finn’s arms and leaned against the railing. She swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in her throat. If it was one thing she could do, it was have hope that the person she loved would come back to her, eventually.

 

She had had some practice.


	16. Stranglehold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stranglehold on my heart, I feel the same. Let me go far away so I'll never miss you one more day and never miss another thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, I am SOOO sorry about taking so long on this chapter, I know I had promised one by the end of last week and I failed you all! Work was super tiring all week and I had an unexpected trip at the end of the week when I was planning on writing the most. I hope that this chapter is worth it, it's a sort of progression chapter but next two chapters or so are going to be pretty huge so look forward to that.
> 
> I wanted to address one thing, it was mentioned to me that my story had a lot of phrases or scenes reminiscent of the movies and novels (i.e. "i'll come back for you, sweetheart" from last chapter or "I love you" "I know" from chapter 11). Every single one of these are well-thought through and I am not simply "copying" from the movies and the novels. It is extremely intentional and meaningful when I place one of these in my story because this IS a fanfiction. I mean to pay homage to the already laid-out story the best way that I can.
> 
> Again, I love and appreciate all you readers and I can only hope to please you all! Please comment and leave some kudos so I know what I am doing right or wrong.
> 
> Expect great new things very soon!

**I have made a[Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/kami_anderson/playlist/473oEIwZMWNyx5Zj3xHzVW?si=NiX_SdnxTjqLcLGB1JTGCg) playlist that I write to but also think is a great Reylo playlist in general if you all would like to check it out! Also made this moodboard below to promote this fiction on my [Tumblr](http://i-see-your-eyes.tumblr.com). Love you guys. Enjoy <3**

****

* * *

 

The next few months brought Rey to the edge of her patience with waiting. Kylo had cut off all communication with her. Sometimes, in the dark of the night, Rey would hear Leia and Holdo whispering to his figure on holo, tucked away in hidden corners of the quarters. She forced herself to close her eyes and feign sleep the best she could when she heard his low, murmuring voice fill the air, unable to decipher specifics, but always imagining he was calling out to her. In the morning, she would wait patiently for news from Leia, telling her that he asked about her or would be returning. Nothing. Just updates on the going-ons of the First Order and discussion of practicalities.

 

The restraint she had to exercise every time she got into a First Order transport ship was overwhelming. She could very simply find the coordinates of the Supremacy in the computer of the ships and easily sneak away in the night back to Kylo.

 

But she had an obligation to the resistance and to him to stay here on this gods-forsaken planet and run same gods-forsaken routes in the transports to the surrounding planets. And right now, her job was not First Order Empress.

 

“You with Poe today?” Finn called from across the hangar, garbed in traditional Naboo linen and boots, nearly identical to what Rey was wearing herself. The Naboo people had been generous in accepting the resistance, giving them odd jobs and provisions and clothing. They even let Chewie hunt in the Gungan swamps. The only downside is now Rey felt herself turning a distinct shade of Naboo every time she showered with their sweet soap or ate their succulent food.

 

Finn was a happily changed man though, completely devoted to the resistance and its furtherance, no matter the cost. Leia had promoted him to Commander. Nobody was as excited as Poe to have his best friend join him in the ranks. Rey noticed reciprocated glances of admiration between he and Rose nowadays and Rey was green with envy, knowing they had each other and Rey was pathetically alone. Everyone noticed the isolation she chose. They would all go out to the town center to celebrate a good week; she would stay on the terrace to meditate on the Force. Finn and Rose would invite her to explore the swamps; she would stay behind to practice with her quarterstaff. At first, Finn was offended but eventually, he settled into this normalcy, allowing Rey her space.

 

“Yeah, Onoam today. Naboo lettuce.” She wrinkled her nose in disgust, but attempted a smile and a goodbye wave as she tucked her pilots helmet under her arm and headed towards her 75103, the old trooper transport ships that the First Order had _graciously_ allowed them to use in their negotiation. She usually did runs by herself, but Leia had made the decision that Poe should join her on this one.

 

Rey was not looking forward to the constant conversation Poe sought from her. Even more than Finn, he had tried his hardest to grow closer to her, seeking out every opportunity to be with her. Rey truly appreciated him trying so hard and his obvious care he was showing her, but she was so tired of the constant buzzing in her head. She just wanted to be alone, in every sense of the word. If she were being honest, she truly believed that if she was alone, the bond might grow strong again.

 

She was sorely disappointed. She had yet to meet Kylo through the bond again, and not by choice or lack of trying, but every time she reached or called out to him in the Force, it was like he had put a wall up, stifling her incessant attempts. Sometimes, when she woke up in the middle of the night with nightmares, she would shoot awake and swear she saw his figure, knelt down by her mat. But who was she kidding?

 

Poe was tightening a bolt to the fuel cell compartment of her transporter, a black smudge smearing his glistening forehead, when Rey bumped her elbow into his.

 

“Can you go a minute in the hangar without getting grease stained?” Rey jested and he chuckled, running his fingers through his hair. Rey hesitated where she stood and shook her head quickly, not realizing how long Poe had gone without cutting his hair. How much it was starting to look like Ben’s, rolling down his neck in dark waves…

 

“Not a chance. Come one, we gotta get in the air by midday or we aren’t going to make it to the moon. And that would just be a tragedy.” He rolled his twinkling eyes dramatically, making Rey snicker, and stomped up the ramp to the small bridge of the transporter, stocked full with wooden crates of stinky Naboo lettuce.

* * *

 

“BB-8, transmit incoming coordinates to the Onoam space traffic control.” Poe began to poke and twirl and bump several buttons and controls on the panel and Rey flicked and twisted some buttons to her side, bringing the transport shuttle into the Onoam atmosphere.

 

Onoam was a notoriously rich and fruitful moon, a popular vacation destination or the opulent residents of the Naboo system. A particularly small and previously desolate moon, the Naboo system people intricately constructed gigantic white marble buildings and structures and human-made lakes and rivers and miniature green valleys and gardens similar to the ones on Naboo. Even from high up in the atmosphere, Rey could make out the river houses and glimmering buildings of the capitol.

 

Poe lifted his visor and glanced over at Rey, who had been mostly silent the whole trip. She was projected out in the Force, sure that if the First Order was anywhere close to the Naboo System, her being out in space might aid in her making contact with him. No chance.

 

“Everything alright, friend?” Rey nodded resolutely and furrowed her eyebrows.

 

“What do you mean, yeah, I’m good.” Her voice far away, she made it a point to not meet his curious eyes to reveal herself.

 

“You just seem anxious, sorry for asking.” She felt his eyes pull away from her and she let out a silent breath she had been holding onto. This had been a bad idea, Leia.

They were closing in on Onoam’s city center, the landing pad positioned in the middle of it. Poe let a few seconds of silence pass before pressing several buttons and turning his entire chair to face her. “We gotta talk, Rey.”

 

“What, Poe, what?” Rey was exasperated at his probing. Did he not realize that this is exactly why she had sequestered herself these days? The constant talking and discussing and wondering about _him_ , Rey was so sick and tired of talking about him. She didn’t need her friends and Leia and the whole resistance talking about him so flippantly when just the thought of him was so precious and spiraled her into a fit of reverence.

 

“Rey, we are all so worried about you. We know you are taking the First Order leaving pretty hard but we just-”

 

“You know full well I am not upset about the First Order leaving.” Rey had taken full control of the ship and made this her excuse for not casting her gaze over at Poe. He sighed indignantly. “You just don’t understand, Poe.”

 

“We are just scared that you may be acting irrationally for the situation. I mean, you are going to see him again, there’s just a job to do.” Poe leaned forward in his pilot’s chair and placed a hand on Rey’s knee softly, not seductively but not friendly either. His voice lowered gently. “I am scared for your well-being, Rey.”

 

A dull pressure in the back of her head began to throb and Rey couldn’t tell if it was the aftershock of her exploratory venture into the Force earlier or… something else. She tried to not give into the density forming, knowing she had a transport to fly with Poe not piloting with her. Her vision was going fuzzy, but she set her eyes solidly on the landing pad, several thousand feet below.

 

_Tell him to get his hand off of you or I will find a way to conveniently and accidentally murder him in the overthrow._

All the walls and blockades that had seemingly been erected to suppress the connection had been instantaneously torn down, demolished, and cleared away. His voice shook Rey to the core and she lost feeling in her fingers and toes momentarily as the shock of his proximity broke her down. He was there, smirking at her in the cockpit of the transporter, leaning smugly against her wall of controls. How was he here now, why? There’s no way he just decided to show up because a friend put his hand on her knee. No kriffing way. Her entire world went mute, dark, and hot. It was the feeling she would have expected to experience for the split second you were still alive after being ejected into the vacuum of space.

 

“REY!” Poe’s voice trickled into her ear, Rey knowing he was screaming but honestly didn’t care. She stared up at Kylo, realizing that this was all she had wanted for the past few weeks. Just to see him. He need not speak, just be. She reached up to touch his hand, knowing that this bond was strong enough for her to feel him. He didn’t move a muscle, just remained still in his place.

 

Kylo’s face was fixated on hers and she on his. The galaxy revolved around this connection. This bond. She was completely pulled inwards, realizing that Poe was shaking her shoulders, knowing that she had a responsibility to pilot the transport but also not caring in the slightest.

 

 _What are you doing here?_ The only words that Rey could think of spilled over into his brain, so deliciously close, Rey felt like she could swim in it.

 

 _You’re mine._ His restraint was evident, palpable. Rey shivered from the possession and heat that dripped from the corners of his lips. Gods, she wanted him right here, right now, in the cockpit, with Poe here. She had not recognized that part of her missing him was so physical; it felt like her core was doing somersaults in her abdomen. _You may need to get back to piloting your transport._ His eyes broke away from her and he began to disappear. _I’ll see you soon, love._

Was that a promise or a statement? Rey didn’t have time to fully come back into her body before she felt the violent rumbling of the transport, jerking in the air directly above the city center.

 

“JAKKU TO REY, TIME TO FLY YOUR SHIP!” Poe was yelling in his place in front of his controls, attempting to take back control of the rolling ship.

 

“I’m sorry.” Rey’s voice was flat and low as she pressed a series of buttons and transferred full control back to Poe. She placed her head in her hands, a searing ache ripping across her head where Ben had just been. Poe landed the ship effortlessly on the landing pad, shaking Rey’s exhausted body. She felt as if she had run the circumference of this moon twice.

 

“What the chubba is _wrong_ with you?!” She stood Rey up roughly and pressed her shoulders against the metal wall of the cockpit. “You could have killed us, what happened up there?” His voice lowered as the ramp in the back of the transport smoked open.

 

“He was here, he’s nearby.” Her voice trailed as thoughts began to roll through her head. There was no way his form could have been so clear, so tangible without him being close. Why, what was he doing near the Naboo system and why was he keeping tabs on her so suddenly and conveniently?

 

Poe’s eyes filled with alarm, surprising her. “What did he say, Rey?”

“He-he said he would see me soon.” She could barely wrap her head around seeing him again. Why would he say that, was he coming back to visit?

 

Poe let go of Rey and sighed, spent. “Rey, I’m sorry.” Sorry for what? Rey shook her head, not wanting to understand. “We didn’t expect him to talk to you before.” Before what? Rey chose to be oblivious and felt herself say something intelligible. “We just thought it’s be easier this way.” Easier? Rey furrowed her eyebrows and pushed Poe out of the way, heading to the ramp and out onto the bright white of capitol of Onoam, eyes on the dusky sky toward the planet Naboo.

 

Rey fell to her knees, fully understanding and grasping the betrayal of her friends, the resistance. _Leia._ There, small but obvious, was the entire fleet of First Order cruisers and dreadnoughts and destroyers outlined in the stars. It was happening. They were here in the Naboo system and the coup was happening and Poe’s job was to keep her behind, to distract her with this transport run. Her thoughts ran together, rage and despair and treachery swirled, no distinguishing difference to be made between them.

 

Poe crept behind her and pulled her up onto her feet, grasping her head in between his hands and ripping her gaze away from the sky and to his dark eyes.

 

“Rey, we had to do this. You would have compromised the mission, you are too emotionally invested.” Rey could not believe the words coming out of Poe’s pleading mouth. His hair was falling into his face, making Rey even angrier with him for reminding her of Ben.

 

“Too emotionally invested?! _I_ made this happen! My emotions are the reason you all get to even ATTEMPT at an overthrow!” Rey pushed Poe away and ran back into the transporter, not even thinking before she tried to close the ramp and boot up the system to take off. She’d be damned if she didn’t get to be there when this happened. Poe was not her keeper. She pressed her palm to the scanner and… nothing happened. She did it again and the silence of the transport’s engines rang in her head.

 

“Poe…” She felt him enter the cockpit and closed her eyes. “What did you do?”

 

“Before you got to the hanger today, I restricted your access to the ship’s computer. We knew you’d react this way if you figured it out.” She turned to see him through a red curtain of anger, arms crossed and standing tall.

 

“How could you keep this from me?” Tears stung in her eyes, threatening to flow over her reddened face.

 

“The mission is our priority. We had to keep you safe, Rey.”

 

“I am so tired of everyone trying to keep me safe!” Knowing this was not his fault, she threw her hands up in the air and leaned back in her chair, turning so that she was facing the windowshield. The First Order fleet was hung, suspended so close yet so far away from her. There Kylo was, the closest he had been in months, and she couldn’t be there with him to fight.

 

She closed her eyes. “You have to tell me everything, Poe. Everything. That’s the least I deserve.” She revolved once again to face him, cross but forlorn, and he nodded, pursing his lips into a fine line.

 

“Where do you want me to start?”

* * *

 

[Inspiration for Rey and Poe's transport ship](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Atmospheric_Assault_Lander)

[Onoam](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Onoam)


	17. Swim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Swim with me, get to someplace better. I'll be waiting on you forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOG BLESS YOU ALL for patiently waiting for this chapter. I apologize wholeheartedly for not getting to it sooner. I broke my foot several weeks ago and subsequently had to have surgery and I have had a hard time recuperating. I finally feel al little more like myself, which is a huge plus!
> 
> I realized after reading through what I have written so far that I appreciate the ship and the entire franchise SO MUCH more after, not only reading the novelization, but LISTENING to the audiobook (highly recommend partaking in both, y'all) I don't think I understood exactly how much I pull inspiration straight from the novelization until I listened to it on audiobook and just skimmed through my fanfic before writing this chapter! Definitely got some pep in my step about finishing this chapter after listening to it.
> 
> As always, please comment, leave kudos, DM me your digits, buy me a pizza, whatever you feel so led to do. This chapter and next chapter are bigger ones so let's get HYPE.

“Leia and I have been planning all this since almost immediately after the First Order left.” Rey could barely make herself meet Poe’s eyes.

 

Poe had led Rey to a secluded and shaded marble alleyway after explaining to the confused humanoid creatures running the landing pad that they would just be a few minutes.

 

“Planning what? Keeping me hostage? You all are no better than the First Order!” Rey spit at Poe, refraining from pushing past him and making a run to a vacant ship, any working flying object that would get her to the First Order fleet, to Kylo, and away from this traitor.

 

“Rey, please take a deep breath and try to understand.” Poe was talking through clenched teeth, his frustration rising as much as Rey’s anger. “You said earlier that none of this would have happened without you and you’re right.” Rey’s eyes flicked to Poe’s. He was pleading for her to grasp whatever he was putting down. “We could not risk losing you. Everything rested on you staying alive. Don’t you get it?”

 

Silence fell between the disparate couple. Poe, the legendary resistance fighter and Rey, the Jakku scavenger, the nobody, arguing about her importance in an alley of the system’s richest planet. Realization dawned on Rey’s face.

 

“You thought that if something happened to me, Kylo would go back on his word, he’d turn his back on you all.” Her words drifted and she couldn’t help but laugh under her breath. The look in Poe’s excited eyes told Rey that she had hit the jackpot. And she hated him all the more at the moment for being so chipper about this situation.

 

“See, Rey, you get it! You are too valuable to-”

 

“You’re using me as a bargaining chip, Poe, do you not get how TWISTED THAT IS?” Rey’s voice cracked as it rose to screeching proportions and Poe placed his entire palm over her mouth and pushed her against the wall, silencing her in a too gentle way. What was up with him and the pushing?

 

“Gods, Rey, you gotta keep it down.” Poe waved and grinned nervously at the passing inhabitants who were giving them odd stares. He drifted his warning gaze at Rey again, who was struggling half-heartedly against him, honestly just so satisfied at seeing Poe annoyed.

 

“If I let you go, are you going to keep your voice down?” Rey nodded and gave him an earnest blink. He lowered his hand and stepped back, putting his hands on his hip. He lowered his voice. Rey crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for Poe to continue to explain. “You have no idea whose eyes are on us, anymore.”

 

Rey knew he was right; even on Naboo, they had to make sure to keep their heads down when in public, knowing that ears of First Order sympathizers and spies were stationed all around.

 

“So… Leia asked me to keep an eye on you and get closer to you. From day one. You know I tried even when you didn’t notice.” A small grin and cheeky redness leaked onto his stony, serious façade. “You are one tough nut to crack, you know that?”

 

Rey couldn’t help it when she felt her eyes soften. However mad she was at him, she knew that it must have been really difficult to try to deal with her this past while. Some curly hair floated into Poe’s face from his long black mane and Rey damned herself once again. Did he do this on purpose? Knowing that it would draw her closer, make her forgive him faster? Rey shook her head of the intruding thoughts and let them drift back to the plans.

 

“So it’s happening? Really?” Rey tilted her head up to the dusky sky dotted with the fleet and sighed. “He’s right there, Poe. Do you know how maddening that is?”

 

“What, the person you care about being right in front of you but completely unreachable? Nah, I’m completely clueless.” Rey couldn’t bear to look at Poe again but for entirely different reasons than before. She pushed herself off the wall.

 

“You know he’ll find out sooner or later. The bond is back again and you know he’ll try to find me at some point.” Rey let her eyes wander to Poe. He was staring up at the same sky and nodded.

 

“We aren’t going to keep you away from him, Rey. It’s just this battle. He has to keep his side of the bargain. And then you can do whatever you want.” Rey noted his emphasis on that last sentence and realized that Poe and Finn and Leia and everyone truly believed that she was going to stay with them. After all of this.

 

Her mind cried out for Kylo to fill it but she restrained herself, knowing that it would just be detrimental to the peace that she had imagined when taking Kylo’s hand in the throne room.

 

“So what are we going to do while we are waiting?” Rey huffed.

 

“Well, Leia set up some place for the night over by the city gardens. Just for tonight while things go down.” Poe placed an attempt at a harmless hand on her shoulder blades to push her out the alleyway and back up to the landing platform, the eyes of the blue humanoids bothered and set on them as they argued back and forth with each other, literally spitting green gunk.

 

“What was going to be the explanation if I didn’t find out?” Poe held his finger up to his lips as they climbed onto the transport to grab their packs and jerked his head to the creatures at the end of the ramp, multiple blue hands on their hips and perturbed murmuring evident. Poe grabbed the log pertaining to the massive and unnecessary amount of putrid Naboo lettuce now seemingly rotting in the wooden crates. What a stupid cover-up, Rey thought.

 

Poe handed the log to a particularly fat humanoid, smiling tersely and moving along quickly before the creature could spit his green slime at him and tell Poe to unload the lettuce himself for making them wait so long.

 

Rey hurried along after Poe to traverse the marble streets to the gardens. Poe laced his arms through hers and led her through twilit streets, light from the sun reflecting off of the planet Naboo. The cracked marble twinkled purple and pink in the evening sunset. Poe leaned down and whispered quite close to her ear.

 

“I was going to fake a stalled engine. Leave it with the mechanics overnight.”

 

“And the First Order would have just _happened_ to be overthrown tonight. How clever, really, I’m amazed at your ingenuity.” Rey rolled her eyes as they turned down a particularly ivy infested lane, the marble finally cracking out to deep red clay and dark dirt, littered with the beginnings of lush greenery. Rey smiled to herself; she would never get over the idea of life growing through the ground; Jakku never gave her that luxury. They had reached a sort of garden square, teeming with brightly colored flowers and plants that Rey could never have imagined. Ahead at the other side of the square, there was a smattering of little marble cottages, side by side. A small, aged woman stood, dressed in all grey and black, in front of a smallest of these, nestled in the corner of the trees and shrubbery. She waved with a twitch of a smile and tucked herself back into the house.

 

“You know, we didn’t really think that far ahead, just enough to get you hearand keep you here.” He smirked and winked without looking at Rey. “That’s our place, c’mon.” Poe led the way to the non-descript cottage and, without the courtesy of knocking, he ducked down to enter it with Rey still at his arm. Inside, the small woman was busying herself in a sort of kitchen, wiping away at wet utensils and plates. She looked over her shoulder and smiled without a word. The way her eyes shined made Rey’s mind flicker back to Kylo. On the walls above her were several fuzzy aged holopics, one with a small toddler sitting on a white-faced girl’s lap, another with a large group of black clad, somber-faced women. The room was darkly lit but had a comfortable air about it. There were two cots closely set in the corner of a sort of gathering room with quilts much like the ones at the resistance quarters. Soft, old chairs and loungers were scattered around the room, open books with pages torn out and dusty knick-knacks strewn about. A ladder to the left led to a sort of loft with the kitchen situated below it.

 

“Pooja, it’s good to meet you finally. This is Rey.” A snap in the back of Rey’s head caused her brow to furrow and then rise as the woman turned to face her guests. Her face was strikingly familiar, the soft cheekbones, the crinkled forehead, the sharp and intrusive eyes struck Rey as characteristics that could not be ignored.

 

“Who are you?” Rey ignored the woman’s attempt at a handshake and watched as her kind and knowing face fell serious. Rey knew that face all too well.

 

Pooja sighed. “I guess it’s that obvious, huh?” Her raspy, tenor voice struck Rey like a gong and Rey was taken aback at the realization. “I’m Pooja Naberrie, Padme Amidala’s niece.” Rey’s eyeshot to the fuzzy holo, which had become clear as day. “I’m Leia’s cousin. Didn’t realize she had any living family did you?”

 

“No, I just assumed they would have joined the resistance.” Rey was indignant, not really understanding how Leia would never have mentioned to anyone that she had family living so close.

 

“Like the First Order, the resistance has spies and supporters everywhere, on every planet.” She winked, her kind expression returning to her face. “I set you both up over in the corner, I hope that’s okay.”

 

“Can I use your holopad?” Poe looked tense. He was running his hand along the back of his neck and had stepped away from Rey’s grasp on his arm. Pooja nodded and gestured to an almost obsolete holopad on the counter. Poe grabbed it and stepped out the back door to a secluded landing. Good, Rey thought. Let him sweat how he was going to tell Leia the jig was up.

 

“What happened to you? Where is the rest of Leia’s family?” Rey was suddenly curious about the going-ons of Kylo’s mysterious family, the family he probably had no idea he had.

 

“Honestly, girl, Leia did not know about her who her parents were until well into her adult life.” The way Pooja’s mouth curled bitterly around the word “parents” was not the only thing that made Rey shiver. She had called her girl just like Leia did. “And everyone else is dead anyway, thrown into exile, murdered in the war, take you pick.”

 

Rey did not know what to say to the casual levity Pooja regarded her family. Was this the way people with families mourn? Or is this the way that scarred people accept their situations? Either way, Rey sat silently as Pooja kept her hands busy, something that Rey recognized she probably had to do to keep the demons at bay. The mysterious likeness to Kylo made Rey’s stomach roll with longing. Was this what Padme looked like? The pull to his mind ached harder every second. He would want to know if his family, even just one of them, was alive, right?

 

Poe entered the cottage again with a slam of the opaque glass doors, making Rey jump and realize how tired she had become. The sun had finally set and the only light twinkling through the cottage were dim street lights outside and smattered candles hanging from the ceiling.

 

“Leia’s got the message we’re here. We might as well get some sleep while we are here. Tomorrow is a big day.”

 

“Oh good, does she know I’m aware about this fun little plan?” Rey stood up in a huff and took an outstretched, steaming cup of dark liquid from Pooja. Rey sauntered over to the cots, passing by Poe with a piercing and unforgiving glance. Rey sipped a bit of the black liquid and her body hummed, rest and relaxation the only thing on her mind. The opposite of caf. How odd. He sighed and followed her, plopping down on one of the cots, removing his shoes. He saluted Pooja silently as she climbed the ladder to the loft above them, the same shrewd smile on her face that Leia so often cast her way.

 

As she disappeared behind some curtains, Poe turned to Rey with a serious, yet soft, expression. “Rey, you still don’t get it do you? I knew when Leia brought this mission to keep you safe to me I had to take it.”

 

“Oh, save the ‘keeping Rey safe’ speech to yourself, gods, I am so over it. Poe, I don’t need you or anyone watching me and taking care of me.” Her frustration was boiling over and her mind was swelling with anger. “I took care of myself for 14 years without anybody, don’t you get that. I am not fragile.” Her fist rolled and she towered over Poe. “I am not soft.”

 

His steely expression turned the same frustrated that it was in the alley and he stuck his chest out indignantly. “Well, Rey, maybe that’s your problem. Allow yourself to be soft, Rey. Allow yourself space to open up and maybe it will be easier for people to love you.” He was standing now, his face inches from Rey. Rey could practically taste the sweat collecting on his hairline.

 

“I don’t need anybody to love me.” Rey hushed the lie through her teeth, tears starting to stream down her face, not really out of anger anymore.

 

“Don’t lie to yourself, Rey. Yes, you do, you need him.”

 

Rey locked furious eyes with Poe and shook her head slightly. He tilted his head to the side, questions forming in his eyes, on his lips.

 

She couldn’t really explain to herself what she did next, maybe to prove herself, maybe because she actually wanted to, but in an instant her lips were on Poe’s and while their mouths didn’t move, his hand did and they were tangled in the nape of her neck and pulling her closer and she grabbed at his vest, willing herself to feel something, anything.

 

The next second, it was over and they had stepped back from each other, eyes still locked, breath slightly heavier from the minute before. Poe’s eyes were filled with pleasant surprise but also guilt, Rey’s unreadable.

 

“We should get some sleep.” Poe rasped out.

 

Rey couldn’t think of anything to say or remember how to even move as she watched Poe climb onto his cot and wrap the quilt quickly around his shoulder, facing away from her. Somehow, she found herself curled around her legs, back to Poe and the relaxation she had felt so fiercely before turned to utter restlessness.

 

* * *

 

Rey knew when she sat up in bed, a cold sweat on the back of her neck, what she must do. She swung her legs soundlessly over the side of her cot and stared at Poe, whose light snoring filled the surrounding area. He had flipped onto his back in the deepness of his sleep and his previous anxious face and softened to one of a deep dreamer.

 

She rose and let her fingers brush on Poe’s cheek, silently thanking him. And with that she slid out of the back door and ran towards the landing pad till her lungs felt like they would burst.

 

Finding a seemingly forgotten N-1 starfighter jet was relatively easy, as the same fat humanoid creature from before was asleep in his chair, green goop dripping from the corner of his mouth. She found the electricity panel and rigged it open, crossed some wires. The hatch popped open, inviting her to her fate. The dawn was dripping over the horizon and Rey’s eyes were set on the dots in space above her as the starfighter’s computer booted on and the engines fired up. Before the awakened humanoid could even raise a fist at her, she was high up in the airspace, calibrating her controls and pulling on her borrowed pilot’s helmet. She focused her mind on the white cottage and saw that Poe had awakened and had one feeling coursing through him: desperation. Rey ripped her focus away from him and to her goal. She smiled to herself as she began to pick up speed directly towards the First Order.

 

She realized something about herself when she kissed Poe. She _did_ want to be soft, she wanted to be fragile and held and loved and cared for. Just not with anybody but Ben. She was Kylo’s and could be no one else’s. And she had Poe to thank for that realization. Rey smirked to herself and finally allowed her mind to fall open, calling out to Kylo.

 

_I’m on my way, Ben._

An unexpected and eerie second wave rolled through her as she felt Kylo’s frantic presence on board the ship as she propelled herself towards it.

 

It was Leia. And there was a grossly dead silence.

 

Something was very wrong.


End file.
